


the real world

by ashleygail



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe- High School AU, Alternate Universe- No shitty clown, Baby Fic, M/M, Skateboarder Eddie, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Teen Dad Richie, Underage Drinking, adding tags as story progresses, did I mention slow burn, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2020-09-18 23:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20321419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleygail/pseuds/ashleygail
Summary: The lights in the Tozier house were on.Nearly four months ago, Eddie’s best friend, Richie Tozier, had seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth. He’d stopped coming to school, wouldn’t answer texts, and stopped posting on all social media. The home phone would ring and ring until the caller hung up. The driveway had been empty. The grass on the front lawn had overgrown and wilted. The house never went up for sale but for four long months, it was as though the Tozier family had simply disappeared.Until now, with Went’s car sat in the driveway and the living room lights all flicked on. Eddie could see movement through the windows. It was as though the world had picked back up from where it had stopped, without a hint of change.[or: after a sudden and unexplained disappearance, richie tozier returns to derry with a secret that no one person could ever hope to hold onto.]





	1. found, richie tozier, 17.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, y'all, this literally wouldn't have been possible without the Streddielon squad going through and raking it, keeping me from looking like boo boo the fool. Ashley's Edit Team really pulls through! Love that for us <3

The lights in the Tozier house were on.

Nearly four months ago, Eddie’s best friend, Richie Tozier, had seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth. He’d stopped coming to school, wouldn’t answer texts, and stopped posting on all social media. The home phone would ring and ring until the caller hung up. The driveway had been empty. The grass on the front lawn had overgrown and wilted. The house never went up for sale but for four long months, it was as though the Tozier family had simply disappeared.

Until now, with Went’s car sat in the driveway and the living room lights all flicked on. Eddie could see movement through the windows. It was as though the world had picked back up from where it had stopped, without a hint of change.

Eddie Kaspbrak skidded to a stop on the skateboard he kept hidden deep underneath his bed. It had been a birthday gift from Bill Denbrough nearly three years earlier, that Eddie could only use in secret. At night, when he was sure that his mother was asleep and at no risk of waking until morning, Eddie would pull out his skateboard and ride through the dark streets of Derry. In the last few months, Eddie’s nightly rides had always taken him down Holly Street right past the Tozier house.

Though Eddie didn’t know it yet, there had certainly been a lot of changes inside. Maybe he could sense it, because four months ago he would have run up those stairs faster than a train of thought could run through his mind, but now he hesitated. He stepped onto his skateboard and rode back down the street, unable to shake the deep sense of unease in his gut.

“You’re sure you saw them?” Beverly Marsh asked Eddie in an accusing voice. “Because I had already accepted that the Toziers had been abducted by aliens, and was deep in my mourning period. Don’t give me false hope.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “If you’re asking me if I personally saw their faces, no. I didn't go inside or peep in the windows, but it was definitely Mr Tozier's car and all the lights were on. Somebody was home.”

“And what makes you so sure that Richie is going to show up here?” Beverly continued to challenge him. “He didn't even finish the last school year and he probably isn't enrolled in any classes. Even if he’s back in Derry, it doesn’t mean he’s coming back to Derry High.”

As he listened to her, Eddie had to admit to himself that Bev had a more than reasonable point. Richie had vanished one day in the middle of May and had been gone all summer. Eddie supposed he had been the only one holding his breath that Richie would be back when senior year had started, but September had come and gone with no word from him. The Losers really had no reason to believe that Richie would be coming back, but Eddie didn’t want to think anything else could be possible.

“Even if Richie didn’t finish the school year here, it doesn’t mean he didn’t finish.” Stan said, without looking up from his history textbook. “He can take his classes and exams online. We know the school offers that and we don’t know where he’s been or what he’s been doing.”

“Yeah.” Bill Denbrough said sharply, arms crossed over his chest. “B-B-Because he nuh-never told uh-us.”

Stan glanced at Bill over the cover of his book, raising one brow. “All I’m saying is we shouldn't condemn Richie before we give him a chance to explain.. He’s probably been through a lot, and people don’t often drop their lives and take off unless something big was going on.”

Bill deflated slightly, nodding at Stan and giving him a small smile. Stan smiled back while Beverly glared between them. “Well, I’m not convinced!” She said, pursing her lips. “I mean, what did we ever do to make Richie think he couldn’t tell us what’s going on with him? Personally, I’m offended.”

“Who said it was something to do with him?” Eddie asked quietly. “His parents and sister were gone too. It could have been some sort of family emergency so why are you so determined to hate him?”

“I’m not!” Beverly cried, eyes going wide as her mouth dropped down into a sad frown. “I love Richie, maybe more than anybody in this world-”

“Wow.” Ben said under his breath.

“Oh-Okay.” Bill stammered.

“- But our group has always been about trust and how close we are!” Beverly carried on. “I’m not okay with Richie turning his back on that and running away without even trying to talk to us. I don’t know how any of you guys can be.”

Eddie looked down at his feet, swallowing down nothing. He understood where Beverly was coming from, he’d felt it, too. Once the original confusion and concern had worn down, Eddie had spent most of the last summer pissed off. He had been ready to rip Richie apart the second he saw him again,  _ if  _ he saw him again. Now though, Eddie had felt only relief at the thought that Richie was home. Safe. He didn’t care about the secrets or the running. He just cared about seeing his best friend again. The simple thought of it had been making his stomach dance with butterflies.

“I agree with Stan,” Mike said, unsurprisingly. “We shouldn’t make any decisions about Richie until we actually talk to him. You know, benefit of the doubt. He’s never been anything less than unwaveringly loyal before now so he deserves a chance.“

Bill and Ben both nodded slowly while Beverly let out a harsh huff of breath, but remained silent. Eddie hiked his backpack up higher over his shoulders. “Well.” Eddie said with a sigh. “If he doesn’t show up today, then I’m going over there after school. He might deserve a chance, but we deserve answers.”

“I don’t think that’s going to be necessary, Eddie.” Mike said as he looked at something over his shoulder.

Eddie spun around, breath caught in his throat as Richie Tozier walked towards him, looking different but somehow exactly the same. He dragged his feet as he walked, wearing a simple pair of blue jeans and a grey sweater and hair was piled up on top of his head in a messy bun. When he lifted his gaze from the ground, his expression was blank and tired. Eddie was able to see the bags under his eyes even from three feet away.

Richie’s eyes seemed to focus then, as a soft smile spread over his face. “Eds...”

Eddie broke into a smile—teary eyed and breath caught in his throat—tripping over his own feet as he moved to rush at Richie. He collided with Richie’s chest  _ hard,  _ as warm as ever and maybe a little thinner. He no longer smelled like that disgusting body spray he’d started wearing at the beginning of high school, but like soap and Richie. A comforting smell that Eddie hadn’t even realized he missed.

“You owe us a really good explanation,” Eddie mumbled against Richie’s shoulder, pressing his face there roughly.

Richie’s arms were a vice grip around him, as he said, “I know. I know...”

“Hey.“ Stan’s voice broke through their little hug circle. “Eddie. Share the Richie.” 

Eddie’s breath caught roughly deep in his chest and for a moment, he thought he might truly have an asthma attack. Richie’s arms squeezed him fiercley before rubbing at his back softly. Eddie pulled at him, clenching his jaw to keep his bottom lip from trembling. 

Richie walked sheepishly over to Stan, who reached out and cupped the side of Richie’s head. He seemed to be taking in all the little things that Eddie had noticed from far away. “I’m okay.” Richie practically whispered. “I’m  _ okay,  _ Stanley.”

Stan looked about as convinced as Eddie felt, but he dropped his hand away from Richie. Richie gave a quick greeting hug to Ben and Mike before his gaze dropped to Bill and Bev, who were both looking at him with looks that bordered on disappointment. Anger bubbled up inside of Eddie at this, but he fought back the urge to say something.

Richie smiled at them both sheepishly. “Hey...”

“Don’t you hey me, Richard Tozier.” Beverly said, poking him angrily in the chest. “You’ve got some serious explaining to do. Where have you been? You think you can just take off for months without a single word? You’re so irresponsible it’s almost insane!”

The weird, blank expression that Richie had been wearing when he’d walked up to them returned in the blink of an eye. He shrugged one shoulder and turned away from her, saying nothing. Eddie noticed how Beverly and Ben exchanged a glance, and he had to look away.

By the time Eddie had turned back, Richie had begun to quickly back up towards the school. “I have to go into the office before I can go to class, double check that everything is in order.”

“Oookay...” Eddie said slowly as he fiddled with the belt around his waist. When Eddie had made the decision to stop wearing his fanny packs from childhood, he’d quickly realized that he felt awkward and never had anything to do with his hands and he’d started wearing belts after that. “See you at lunch then.”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Richie said as he looked quickly between Eddie and the school, fully distracted. “I’m going to have to spend my lunch break catching up. I’ll probably have to spend the next lot of lunches in the study room getting my shit together.” 

“C-c-come over after school,” Bill suggested, arms still crossed over his chest. “W-w-we can help you get ca-caught up faster. It’s Fruh-Friday, we can just all sluh-sleepover.”

A look of pained panicked came over Richie’s face and he shook his head quickly. “I can’t do sleepovers for a while, Big Bill. Sorry, man. Thank you though.”

“Are you grounded?” Ben asked, shooting Richie a look of concern.

Richie pursed his lips as he looked around the group, bouncing slightly on the spot. “Something like that.” He replied, eyes trained on the sky.

“Okay, Richie, what the hell?” Beverly snapped, throwing her hands into the air. “First, you completely disappeared without warning. Then, you don’t text us for months. Now you just come back, acting all weird and won’t tell us anything? What’s your fucking problem?”

Richie opened his mouth, then closed it. Eddie watched his jaw clench and debate travel over his face. “I have to go to the office.”

Then he left.

“Richie is officially cancelled.” Beverly said as she tossed her tray down on the lunch table. The Losers Club had been taking the same circular lunch table by the garbage cans since freshman year and not once had anybody tried to fight them on it or sit with them. Being a Loser had a few perks, but Eddie was still desperately waiting for six to turn back into seven. If the angry look on Beverly’s face was anything to go by, that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon.

“Why, what happened?” Mike asked, crinkling up his nose at the slop of cafeteria spaghetti on Beverly’s tray. Every day, Beverly would get the hot lunch and everyday, Mike would express his disgust for it.

“So, he made a big deal about how he couldn’t come to lunch because he was going to have to do so much catching up on school work,” Beverly ranted, stabbing at the poor excuse for a noodle as though it would go onto her plastic fork that way. “But I just saw him grabbing his stuff from his locker and leaving the school. Which is  _ not  _ the study room.”

“Oh, really, Bev?” Stan deadpanned. “I thought they moved it out there.”

oeverly grabbed a fake meatball off her tray and lobbed it at him. It missed, smacking Bill on the cheek. Anger flashed across Bill’s face and Eddie threw his arm out in front of him. “Cease fire!”

Beverly stuffed an overly large fork full of spaghetti into her mouth. Eddie looked down at the tray and suddenly felt he missed Richie a little bit more. “I don’t know what’s going on with Richie. Nobody does. So just-”

“Don’t tell me to give him another chance.” Beverly interrupted as she pointed her stained fork at Eddie’s face. “He made it clear this morning that he wasn’t interested in telling us what happened.”

“Well, you kind of attacked him.” Eddie snapped back.

“I did not fucking attack him!” Beverly cried. “I just asked him what we were all thinking! We deserve answers, you know we do!”

Eddie gave a long sigh and closed his eyes. “Yeah. We do, okay? But this is Richie. He’s not just going to lay it out all on the table for us. He just got back, maybe we could give him more than five minutes to tell us what happened.”

“We nuh-nuh-know you luh-like him, Eddie. That you wuh-want to see the buh-best in him.” Bill said quietly. It had been an innocent comment, meant exactly how it was said, but Eddie’s skin crawled at the implication all the same. “But he’s been a shuh-shuh-shit-shitty friend.”

Stan stood up, pushing his chicken sandwich away. He frowned at the table and shook his head. “None of you know what happened. The only shitty friends I see here are you guys.”

“Maybe that’s because Richie isn’t here.” Ben said.

Stan shook his head as he turned and walked away. Mike looked apologetically around the table before standing himself and chasing after Stan. Eddie stared stubbornly at his lap.

“Look.” Beverly said softly. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but I just think Richie is making his feelings very clear. He doesn’t see us a people he can trust and I’m not going to go out of my way to chase him around to get him to tell me anything. If he doesn’t want to tell me—if he doesn’t  _ trust me _ after everything we’ve all been through—then he’s not really our friend, is he?”

Bill and Ben both nodded their heads in agreement, and Eddie felt his stomach tense up tightly. He tapped his fingers on the table. “Maybe he’ll show up at least for a bit tonight.” Eddie tried to suggest. “He said he couldn’t sleep over, but he didn’t say he wouldn’t come. Maybe he’ll tell us then. He probably just didn’t want to get into it right before his first day back.”

Ben smiled at him, a sad smile with sharp eyes that seemed to be looking deep into Eddie’s. “You’re probably right, Eddie.”

“Well, if he d-d-doesn’t show up,” Bill said, drinking deeply from a carton of chocolate milk. “Then he can fuh-fuh-find nuh-new friends.”

Eddie felt his stomach sink down to his feet.

Richie wasn’t coming, that much was clear. Eddie was the only person holding out hope after Richie hadn’t met them after school, but as the sun started to go down and Eddie kept remembering what Richie had said about sleepovers, he’d been forced to admit it.

Eddie turned away from the living room window, trying to hide how upset he truly was. He knew it hadn't worked when Mike pressed a hand between Eddie’s shoulders, patting him. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I know you wanted him to come.”

Eddie didn’t like that implication at all. That maybe he was the only one who wanted Richie to show up, that nobody else believed in Richie Tozier like he did. He tried for a moment to bring himself back into the conversation going on around him, but found he couldn’t get a grasp on what was going on.

“Hey, guys, I think I’m actually going to head out.” Eddie said meekly as he reached for his belongings and stepped over Ben on the floor. “Sorry.”

“Eddie, you don’t have to leave.” Beverly said as she stood and hovered near Eddie, not touching but looked as if she was thinking about it.

“Yeah.” Eddie said, voice coming out a little sharper than planned. “Yeah, I do.” Eddie turned on his heel and took off out of the Denbroughs’ house, not caring whether he had all his belongings or not.

He had only gotten part way down the street before acknowledging to himself how little he actually wanted to go home, and how he’d screwed himself. The last place he wanted to be was in his house, and he couldn’t turn around and go back to Bill’s with his tail between his legs and an apology he didn’t have on his lips.

The sun fell completely while Eddie wandered the streets, no idea where he was walking until he was there. It was a still a little jarring to see the lights on.

Eddie nearly ran up the path and the porch steps, but hesitated at the front of the door, bringing his fist half up to knock. He bit his lip as his nails dug into the palm of his hand. He felt as if an actual bolt of fear struck through him, and Eddie had to catch his breath. He mentally reprimanded himself, that there was nothing in there to be afraid of.

Eddie knocked.

It took so long for somebody to answer that Eddie was about to give up and turn around when the door finally opened. Maggie Tozier stood on the other side, looking tired but smiling quickly at the sight of him. “Oh, Eddie! It’s so good to see you sweetie!” Maggie hugged him quickly, and Eddie barely had the chance to enjoy her sugary, sweet cookie-like smell before she was pulling back. “I suppose you’re here to see our newest little house guest.”

“What?” Eddie asked, wrinkling his nose.

Maggie nodded into the house, sweeping Eddie inside. Eddie walked in slowly, noting how almost nothing had changed at all. His pair of black converse were still sitting on the door mat, forgotten there from the last time he’d been over at the Toziers’ back in May. “Richie is up in his room. Try to keep quiet.”

“Uh... sure.” Eddie said as he moved up the stairs softly along the familiar path to Richie’s bedroom. He was almost creeped out with how quiet it was, this probably being the first time Eddie had walked down this hall without hearing some sort of blaring music or even just shouting coming from Richie’s room.

He hesitated again in front of Richie’s room, then physically shook himself free of the fear as he let himself in like he always would. He moved a little slower than he normally would have, a twinge of anxiety still deep rooted inside him. The sight in front of him made him stop and freeze in the doorway. Richie was sitting cross-legged on his bed, holding what appeared to be a large swaddle of yellow blankets. Richie was smiling softly down at the blankets, and when he looked up at the sound of Eddie entering, it was slowly, as though it was physically hard for him to tear his eyes away from them.

When he noticed it was not his parents, but Eddie who stood gaping at him in the doorway, his eyes blew wide. His mouth dropped open as he glanced down at the bundle in his arms and back up at Eddie before chuckling nervously.

“Guess I’m busted, huh?”


	2. riley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weird, soft look settled over Richie’s face again and Eddie felt his breath catch in the back of his throat.
> 
> “She wasn’t even born yet and I already knew that I loved her more than I would ever love anything.”

Eddie hesitated for too long, and he knew it. He could see how Richie’s surprised face slowly turned into panic, glancing between the swaddled blanket and Eddie as though he was considering how far he could run with it. Eddie’s throat was painfully dry as he tried to speak. “Whatcha got there?”

Richie let out a half startled laugh, shifting over on the bed so that there was obvious room for Eddie to sit down. Eddie swayed for a moment before climbing up beside him. The baby was sleeping, and clearly very young. The baby had a little wrinkled up face that—in truth—made her look pretty ugly and weird looking to the point of looking kind of dead while sleeping, but Richie was looking at it like her was the most beautiful creature in the world. Frankly, Eddie was terrified of babies.

“This is Riley.” Richie said, brushing a thumb against her cheek.

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat as the baby girl made a small noise. The first sign of life. “Where did you get her?”

“She’s mine.”

Eddie frowned as he looked down at the tiny baby. She was so young, she _ couldn’t _be Richie’s. Richie didn’t have a girlfriend, he’d never had anybody. The only thing even close to recurring in Richie’s love life was Eddie’s mom. Unless, of course, you counted the arcade boy from the summer of eighth grade that really only served enough purpose to make Richie give the Losers a tearful confession of being bisexual. He’d forgotten about the boy in question by that fall, but the bisexuality had only grown louder and prouder since then. Eddie had always wished he could be that brave.

Eddie’s confusion must have shown on his face, or maybe Richie had just known to expect it, because Richie sighed and said; “Remember the girl I told you about from my aunt and uncle’s cabin last summer? Sandy? The one you guys all accused me of making up to pretend I’d lost my virginity?” Richie gestured towards the sleeping baby with his one semi-free hand. “I told you she was real.”

Eddie pursed his lips as he looked around the room. “Is she here? Should I go? I-”

“No, no, Eds.” Richie shook his head, face dropping and eyes looking a little distant. “She’s not here. She’s still in Indiana.”

“She let you take the baby for a visit?” Eddie squawked. “Richie, that’s really irresponsible! She’s too young to be away from her parent!”

“_ I’m _her parent!” Richie cried quietly, making little baby Riley twitch and whimper in his arms. He shushed her, rocking his arms just slightly.

Eddie looked down at the baby again. He knew that this baby was too young to look like anything besides an alien, but he thought he could maybe see a resemblance to Richie in this little girl. What hair was on her head hinted at being dark, and there was a promising swoop of her nose that matched Richie’s too. “I’m sorry,” Eddie said as he started to ring his hands together. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant... a baby this young shouldn’t be away from their mother.”

Richie sighed and gave him the saddest look Eddie had ever seen on his face. It wasn’t Richie crying over being called a slur or sadness disguised as anger after a fight with Bill. This was a deep sadness, felt inside and everywhere. A level of deep that Eddie had never seen Richie reach before.

“She doesn’t _ have _a mother anymore, Eddie.” Richie said. “Sandy didn’t want her. I’m all she has now.”

And well, that was terrifying. Because Richie Tozier was an idiot. Eddie bit down on his bottom lip and looked away from Richie’s face.

“Don’t look like that,” Richie said, sounding almost like he was pleading. “Everybody’s been looking at me like that. Sandy, her parents, _ my parents _. Can you please just not look like that? Be in my corner, Eds.”

Eddie jerked back to look at Richie, as his heart began to pound in his chest. “I am _ always _in your corner, Richie.” Eddie moved to reach out to grab hold of Richie’s hand, before he realized they were both holding onto Riley, and he dropped it back down into his own lap. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing.”

“Of course I don’t. I’ve never done anything even close to this before. I sat on that stupid egg we had to take care of for health class last year and took a replacement out of my fridge.” Richie chuckled, running a finger along the bridge of Riley’s nose. “But Sandy wanted to give her up, you know? She didn’t want a baby and I get that. I respect that, obviously, but....”

The weird, soft look settled over Richie’s face again and Eddie felt his breath catch in the back of his throat.

“She wasn’t even born yet and I already knew that I loved her more than I would ever love anything.”

Eddie wasn’t sure why his eyes suddenly teared up, but he had to physically shut them for a moment to get back his self control. He reached out and touched Richie’s shoulder lightly. “So that’s why you took off without saying anything? Because of her?” 

Richie nodded. “Yeah, I needed to go to all the doctors stuff with Sandy if I was going to take Riley. My parents had to pay for everything. They weren’t very keen on the idea, to be honest. They still aren’t.”

“They aren’t helping you?” Eddie asked as anger bubbled up in his gut.

“I mean,” Richie shrugged one shoulder. “They’re paying for literally everything, and my mom switched over to nights so that I can still go to school, but after school lets out, I need to come straight home to Riley. Weekends, too. Which is why I can’t do sleepovers or anything anymore, Eds.”

“And you have to go home at lunch, too?” Eddie asked gently and smiled a little at the surprised look that crossed Richie’s face. “Bev saw you leaving school. She’s pissed.”

Richie groaned. “I didn’t mean to lie to you guys. I _was _supposed to go to the recovery room at lunch, I just... I just panicked. I’d never been away from her for longer than like... a shower before. I needed to make sure everything was okay, even though I knew logically that it was.”

Anxiety. Eddie had never known Richie to have anxiety before. He’d also never known Richie to wear non-clashing clothes or his hair up in public before. A very different friend had come home from Indiana, but he still made Eddie’s heart race and stomach tense up all the same. 

“I guess it would make sense for you to be so nervous,” Eddie said, hand still pressed against Richie’s shoulder. “I don’t really know anything about…this stuff. I’m sure none of us do. But if you just told everybody-”

“I can’t.” Richie said, shaking his head and frowning.

“Why not?” Eddie asked. The baby- _ Riley, _Eddie mentally scolded himself. She has a name- made a couple of small noises, almost as though she could feel the sudden distress coming off of Richie. Her father. God, what a fucked up thought.

“Because of your face, Eddie.” Richie said, suddenly sounding close to tears. “Because not even my parents understand me, or really believe in me. And they have to love me, to support me. You guys don’t. And I don’t want that from you guys. I can’t lose you guys.”

“You’re going to, though. If you keep lying.” Eddie said, trying to keep himself from sounding too desperate. “Bev and Bill… they’re pissed. You left and- you didn’t tell anybody, and now you’re back and you’re _ still not _telling anybody anything. Bev…”

“I’ll talk to Bev.” Richie said shortly. “I’ll figure something out, okay? Just… Don’t tell them. Don’t tell anybody.”

“I’m not going to tell.” Eddie replied. “I told you, Rich. I’m always in your corner. I think you need to tell them, but I’m not going to make you. That’s not my place.”

Richie opened his mouth, about to speak, but he was cut off by the cry of baby Riley. Eddie startled, physically jerking away from Richie and Riley, staring down with wide eyes. “What’s wrong with her? Why is she crying?”

Richie gave Eddie an incredulous look. “She’s probably hungry. She can’t exactly speak, Eddie.”

“No, yeah, I- I- I know.” Eddie blushed furiously. “Okay, just uh. Feed her? Make her stop doing that.”  
  
Richie laughed, looking around his room. “Shit, I think I left her bottles all downstairs. Can you hold her while I run down and grab one?”

Eddie squeaked. “No, no uh…. I’m okay. You can just… you can take her with you.” 

Richie froze, already halfway handing Riley to Eddie. “Eddie, what? It’s easier if you just hold her while I run downstairs, it’s fine.”

“No, I…” Eddie cleared his throat. “I don’t, I don’t want, I don’t want to hold her. This is as close as I’ve ever been to a tiny human and I don’t think I want to get any closer.”

Riley continued to cry pitifully as Richie stared at Eddie, face completely blank. “Are you…. Are you afraid of my baby?” 

“No!” Eddie cried. “Why would I be afraid of her? She doesn’t even have good motor function. I could probably take her in a fight.”

“Probably?” Richie snickered. “Okay, I’ll take her downstairs with me. Weirdo.” Richie stood up, adjusting Riley more comfortably into his arms. He looked down at Eddie and shook his head with a laugh. “_ Afraid of babies… _.”

Eddie would have thrown something at Richie’s head, if Richie hadn’t been holding a baby. As Richie walked out of the room, Eddie tossed himself backwards on Richie’s bed. He inhaled deeply, practically drinking in the smell of Richie Tozier. Even the nasty cologne stench still lingered. There was something else there now, too. Baby powder and something else. Something Eddie couldn’t recognize, didn’t know. Something completely new. There were a lot of things that were completely new to Eddie now, and he felt the anxiety in the bottom of his stomach. 

He glanced at the window. He could leave. He could go right out of it, he’d done it before. Not nearly as much as Richie had gone in and out of Eddie’s window, but he’d done it enough to feel confident in the descent. 

_ Could _Eddie leave? Walk out on Richie like that? He couldn’t deny that he felt a weird discomfort about the thought of Richie having a baby, and something deep inside of him was screaming at him to run. Maybe, for the first time, Eddie Kaspbrak didn’t want to run.

Richie came back into the room, baby in his arms, bottle balanced awkwardly in his hand and a bag of chips hanging out of his mouth. He walked over to the bed, opened his mouth and let the chip bag fall onto Eddie’s chest. Barbecue. Eddie’s favourite.

Richie smiled a little nervously, sitting down beside Eddie, holding the bottle up to Riley to suckle. “You’re staying to hang out, right? Cuz I… I really missed you, Eddie.” 

Eddie’s heart fluttered. “Yeah, Rich…. I really missed you, too.” 

“Perfect.” Richie leaned back against his pillows and patted the spot beside him. “Get up here, Eds, and bring the chips. I promise Riley doesn’t bite.”

“She doesn’t even have teeth yet.” Eddie grumbled as he crawled up the bed to lay down beside him. He rested his head on the pillows, laid down on his side to stare at Richie with Riley, rather than the TV that was playing some bad Netflix movie since before Eddie had even got there. 

“We can watch something else.” Richie suggested. He glanced down at Eddie, eyebrow raised, as he noticed how Eddie looked up at him. “Since you missed the beginning. We just have to keep the volume low for Riley.”

Eddie had both hands pressed under his cheek. “We can watch whatever you want. It’s your house.”

Richie narrowed his eyes. “You’re doing the thing.”

“What thing?”

“The treating me differently thing.” Richie sighed. He turned his face away from Eddie to look down at his daughter. “You’d never let me pick the movie before this, so don’t do me favours now. You hate my taste in movies, that hasn’t changed. I’m still me.”

_ I’m still me. _Eddie felt the words like a punch to the gut. Eddie shifted his weight as he rested his head on Richie’s shoulder. “I know…. I know.”

Richie stayed stiff under Eddie’s touch for a long moment before he settled against the bed and against Eddie. His head dropped on top of Eddie’s, as Eddie scrolled through the shitty Netflix selection. Riley made occasional cooing and suckling noises, and Eddie thought maybe he could get used to this. And that thought scared him a little too much.


	3. in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I didn’t do that, Eddie.” Bill said firmly. Eddie rolled his eyes and gave Bill what was almost a growl. “I didn’t. He im-im-immediately got back and started luh-lying to us and skipping out u-u-u-on us! This isn’t my fuh-fuh-fault!!”
> 
> “Your fault?” Rage flashed through Eddie, white hot with harsh burn. It was like his insides were about to boil. “You don’t know fucking shit! You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about!”

Richie wasn’t at school today. Eddie knew he shouldn’t be letting it bother him, that it didn’t mean anything. Richie could be sick, God knows he wouldn’t be getting enough sleep and that was a huge push to a person getting ill. It was just... the last time Richie hadn’t suddenly shown up to school, he’d been gone.

“Hey.” Beverly came up and place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. “Why so quiet, Eddie?”

Eddie didn’t answer her immediately, fidgeting with the pencil in his hands. Beverly’s hand was a heavy weight on his shoulder as he weighed over what he was feeling. “I guess I’m worried about Richie. I know you hate him now or whatever.”

“I don’t hate him.” Beverly cut across Eddie, but her voice wasn’t sharp or angry. It was quiet, almost understanding. “I could never hate him. I just can’t forgive him without some sort of explanation. He can’t just treat people badly and expect everybody to just jump at the chance to hang around with him again.  _ Not that  _ he’s hanging around.”

Eddie frowned. The last couple days had all been like this, his friends making some sort of comment about Richie - or even  _ to  _ Richie- and Eddie not being able to defend his best friend without exposing his secret. Eddie wanted nothing more than for the Losers to know about Richie’s baby, for them to know the truth but it wasn’t Eddie’s place to say anything. So, Eddie kept lying, and he kept feeling guilty about it.

“I’m sorry,” Beverly said again. “I’m really not trying to slam on him. Logically, I know there’s a reason he’s being this way. I’m pissed he won’t talk to me about it, but I’ve been trying not to say anything to you. I don’t want to put you in the middle of anything because I know you love him.”

Eddie cleared his throat awkwardly and shook his head. “He’s just not in school today. And I’m worried. That’s all.”

Beverly smiled. “Well, we can go over to his house after school and check on him if you want! I’ll go with you and we-”

Images of little Riley popped into Eddie’s mind, followed quickly by images of Richie’s horrified and betrayed face if he saw that Eddie had brought Beverly there, and Eddie found himself giving an answer before the thoughts had even cleared his mind. “No, that’s okay! We don’t need to do that. That’s fine.”

Beverly gave him a suspicious look and Eddie gave a small laugh. “You said yourself he’s being weird. If he’s not here tomorrow, we can check on him. Yeah?”

“Yeah...” Beverly nodded and turned around in her seat, facing forward back to the lesson. She gave a slight huff, dropping her pen to paper, and Eddie felt a little bit sick.

After class let out, Eddie hastily told Beverly he was going to the bathroom before lunch and took off. Curling up in the stall and giving himself a moment to breathe, Eddie wondered if he should just spend his lunch here instead of going into the caf. He quickly dismissed the idea, realizing he didn’t have any lunch. If Eddie didn’t eat lunch, if he didn’t eat  _ regularly _ , then he got bitchy. It wasn’t good for a person to skip meals, it was very unhealthy.

So Eddie picked himself back up and wandered out of the bathroom. When he caught sight of his friends standing in front of the cafeteria doors, his stomach tensed up. His hands dropped down to grab at the fanny pack that no longer rested there, and he pulled on his belt.

“He probably knows something.” Ben said softly. He was standing next to Beverly, who had her arms crossed, looking concerned. Stan was standing, arms crossed in the same fashion, while looking annoyed. Mike was openly eating his sandwich while standing up. Bill has his back to him.

“Oh, he doesn’t know shuh-shit.” Bill said. “He knows just as much as the rest of us, he’s just buh-buh-biased.”

“You don’t know that.” Beverly said. “If Richie was going to tell anybody something, it would probably be Eddie. You know how they are. How they’ve always been... those two.”

Stan rolled his eyes and leaned over to whisper something in Mike’s ear. When Mike gave him a small nod, Stan turned away and walked into the cafeteria alone. Eddie swallowed down his nerves and hurt and wondered if there was any chance he could get past the rest of the Losers and talk to Stan. Stan seemed to be on Richie’s side,  _ Eddie’s  _ side. If only he could talk to Stanley alone.

“Truh-trust me.” Bill seemed to be holding his hands out in front of him. “If Eddie nuh-nuh-knew shit, he’d have tuh-told us. He’s just defending Ruh-Richie because he’s got some buh-big guh-guh-gay cr-”

“Do you got something to say to me, Billy?” Eddie stepped out towards his friends, enjoying the way they all startled. Ben’s face immediately turned a bright, horrifying red while Mike gave Eddie an almost sympathetic look.

Bill turned around, an already resigned look on his face. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and tilted his head to the side, gave Eddie a deep frown. “Eddie...” He sighed. “I’m suh-suh-sorry but...”

“You’re not sorry. You’ve been a fucking asshole since the second Richie got back. **” ** Eddie snapped, finally understanding the term  _ seeing red.  _ “You’ve been pissed. That’s fine, I get that. I was pissed too! But you didn’t give him a chance, not even for a second. How could he have gone to you with anything when you made it so clear that you weren’t interested?”

“I didn’t do that, Eddie.” Bill said firmly. Eddie rolled his eyes and gave Bill what was almost a growl. “I  _ didn’t.  _ He im-im-immediately got back and started luh-lying to us and skipping out u-u-u-on us! This isn’t my fuh-fuh-fault!!”

“Your  _ fault?”  _ Rage flashed through Eddie, white hot with harsh burn. It was like his insides were about to boil. “You don’t know fucking shit! You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about!”

“That’s because he d-d-d-d-didn’t  _ FUCK.”  _ Bill turned away, face red with anger. He clenched his hands at his side as they shook.

“We don’t know what’s going on because he didn’t tell us anything.” Ben finished for him quietly. Bill looked over at Ben, mouth fixed in a thin line as though unsure if he wanted to thank him or snap at him.

Eddie looked to Mike, trying to plead with his eyes for help. Mike would stand with Eddie. Mike was always so understanding, so caring. He was hands down one of Eddie’s favourite people in the world. Mike would understand what Eddie was feeling.

But Mike was avoiding Eddie’s gaze, and Eddie’s stomach dropped when he realized he was on his own.

“I...” Eddie let out a soft groan as he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. “I hate this. If you guys are going to cut out Richie, then we can’t be friends, either.”

“We’re  _ not  _ cutting Richie out!” Ben said roughly, arms crossed over his chest. “He’s doing the cutting. We’re just not chasing after him.”

Eddie let out several harsh breaths while his hands shook at his sides. He felt a little light headed, and he swayed slightly on the spot. He could hear a dim ringing in the back of his head, something like a baby crying...

“Eddie... do you need your inhaler?” Beverly’s voice came to him. Soft, helpful but it just made Eddie shake harder.

“NO!” Eddie cried. “I don’t need my fucking inhaler! You know I don’t fucking need it! Fuck you!”

“Eddie, you-you-y-y-y-” Bill stuttered over his words, face bright red. “You need to c-c-calm down.”

Eddie shoved at Bill with a deep glare. “I don’t need to calm down. I need to get out of here. I need to go home, I need-”

“You need to go to Richie?” Bill challenged. 

Eddie’s stomach churned painfully, and he turned away with a deep frown. He turned on his heels and ran from the school. He didn’t stop to even take a breath as he ran through the streets and up the front steps of his house. 

He heaved roughly, nearly falling forward onto his knees as he barrelled into the front entrance of his house. Breathing roughly and shoving hair out of his eyes, Eddie took a simple moment to catch his breath and rubbed angrily at the tears that were welling up inside his eyes.

“Eddie? What are you doing home?” Frank Kaspbrak came out of the kitchen, dish towel in his hands, and a deep frown on his face. “You should be in school, son.”

Eddie let out half a sob and turned away from his father. He walked through the living room and dove over the back of the couch as he groaned. He pressed his arm over his eyes and groaned louder until he felt the couch dip down beside him. 

“Want to tell me what happened?” Frank asked. There was a question there. An opening. If Eddie said no, Frank would let it go. He would make Eddie one of his comforting hot chocolates with whipped cream and they’d talk about something else. Or watch a movie. Anything else. 

“Richie had a baby.” Eddie grumbled.

His father was quiet for so long that Eddie lowered his arm away from his eyes and squinted at him. Frank looked at Eddie with a bit of a shell shocked look, but was still smiling encouragingly. “Waiting for more information.”

“I don’t know much, I guess.” Eddie sat up and pulled his legs up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them, rested his chin on his knees. “That’s where he went this summer, to be with the mom. She didn’t want the baby, but Richie did. So he’s keeping it. He brought it back with him.”

“It?” Frank asked with a soft smile. “Eddie…”

“She.” Eddie chuckled as his lip pushed up in a small, half smile. “Her name is Riley. She’s… so small, Dad. She’s tiny. It’s crazy… this little tiny thing.”

“Yeah, I know that feeling.” Frank shifted over and wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder. “I don’t think Richie having a baby would be enough to make you run home from school though, son. What else is going on?”

Eddie sighed. “Richie is keeping it a secret. He hasn’t told any of the other Losers but they can tell something is wrong and they’re all so mad at him. And I know, so it's hard for me to hear them talking about Richie like that. When they don’t know, you know. It’s not fair.” 

Eddie resisted the urge to hide his face in his knees. “If they all stop being friends with Richie, I might lose them all. Like, Stan seems to be on Richie’s side, and Mike would probably go anywhere Stan goes. Oh my god, it’s going to be me, Richie, Stan and Mike versus Bill, Bev and Ben! Dad! What do I do?”

Frank blinked and watched in silence as his son spiraled. “Son…”

“Maybe I can just stop being friends with Richie like Bill wants.” Eddie said. “It’ll be easier. Better for everybody. Except Richie. But I could do it. It doesn’t make sense to choose one friend over five, right? That’s my most logical choice.”

Frank sighed and pulled Eddie into a full hug. “Edward James Kaspbrak, I have known you for a long time. Most of that time has included Richie Tozier by your side. I know how terrible those months when Richie was gone were for you, son. You were so sad. I’d do anything to never have to see you like that again.”

Eddie tried to smile, but he broke into a sob instead. He pressed harder against his father’s chest. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t  _ know.  _ I want everything to go back. I don’t want us to be fighting! We shouldn’t be fighting, and keeping secrets or…”

“Having babies?” Frank asked gently as he rubbed Eddie’s back. 

Eddie mumbled nonsense into his father’s chest and felt him laugh. “I don’t know why he kept her. The mom wanted to put her up for adoption. He could have just done that, I don’t understand… he had an out.”

Frank pulled back and gave his son a sad smile. “I think there’s maybe a little bit more to it than you think, son. Nothing is ever as black and white as it seems.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Eddie repeated with a huff. 

“What you’re going to do, Edward my son,” Frank said. “Is help me make dinner, and then you’re going to go to your room for the rest of the night because you’re so grounded for skipping school.”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open. “You tricked me! Playing the supportive dad card just to whack me with a grounding! That’s illegal game play!” 

Frank chuckled and shook his head. “I’m still the supportive dad, and you’re still the son who ditched out of school in the middle of the day. Just consider yourself lucky that your mom isn’t home.”

Eddie cringed. Sixteen years of life, and he still wasn’t entirely sure how his father had fallen in love with his mother. Not since he was a child had he seen anything that could have been considered truly loving between the two of them, and he wasn’t sure they’d ever been compatible. He’d never brought up his concerns to his parents, fear of opening the floodgates, but he sometimes (shamefully) thought to himself that his father deserved better than his mother. 

That night, Eddie texted Stan for the homework in their afternoon classes and curled up at his desk. He’d only managed to answer the first question of his history fill-out before he realized that the red sweater he’d tossed on when getting comfortable belonged to Richie. It had been left behind at one of the last sleepovers before Richie had disappeared, and Eddie had secretly worn it while Richie was gone. Only once in a while, not often. Just when he’d really wanted to feel close to his missing best friend.

Eddie had put it on without even thinking about it, but now it brought back the memories of what Eddie’s issue had been this morning in the first place. Richie hadn’t been at school, and it suddenly settled back in Eddie’s stomach like a rock. His hands got clammy and he suddenly felt much too hot in his sweater. He sat at his sit, leg bouncing, until he pushed away and grabbed his skateboard from under his bed.

Grounding be damned, Eddie needed to make sure that Richie and the baby were okay.

Eddie wasn’t sure he’d ever ridden down to the Tozier’s house so quickly in his life. As much as his skateboard had been a rebellion of Eddie’s, he never rode it too quickly and was always cautious. Tonight, though, he barely even paid attention to his actions as he made his way down the darkened streets.

The lights were out in the house, and panic rose up in Eddie’s throat. No lights… empty house? Empty house? Eddie tossed his skateboard into one of the bigger bushes as he made his way around Richie’s house and towards Richie’s bedroom window. He let out a harsh exhale when he noticed the small light peering out from between the curtains. 

Without giving it any sort of logical thought, Eddie moved towards the brick house and began to climb. He cursed under his breath as he nearly fell several times, annoyed that Richie had a second story window and he couldn’t just heave himself into it like Richie could with Eddie’s own bedroom window. Eddie knocked lightly on the glass, out of breath and surely red in the face. 

Richie flung the window open and nearly knocked Eddie free from his grip on the siding. Richie let out a shout, grabbed Eddie by the collar of his sweater and pulled him into the room. Eddie and Richie both ended up on the floor of Richie’s bedroom. Eddie let out a cough and rubbed at his collar bone. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“ _ Kill you?” _ Richie whispered incredulously. He sat up and helped Eddie to his feet. “You climbing up into my window like some sort of fuckboy. I was just trying to keep you from falling to your death.”

“YOU’RE the one who almost knocked me to my death, opening the window like your bedroom was on fire!” Eddie shrieked, but Richie quickly slapped a hand over Eddie’s mouth with wide eyes.

“ShhHHH!” Richie hissed and gave Eddie a threatening glare. “Riley is sleeping!”

Eddie opened his mouth then quickly clapped it shut. For a moment, he’d forgotten all about Richie’s baby. The whole reason Eddie had been agonizing all day. He glanced over to the edge of Richie’s bed where a long basket looking… thing. He could slightly see the sleeping baby inside it, and he frowned.

“Why did you put her in a basket?” Eddie asked softly. “Don’t you have a crib for her?”

Richie laughed. “It’s a bassinet, Eddie. Riley’s still too little to really sleep in the crib, for the first few months babies sleep in ‘baskets’”. Richie put air quotations over the word basket and Eddie flushed angrily.

“Oh, don’t act like you knew that before!” Eddie swatted at Richie’s chest, and Richie let out a quiet laugh. 

The two of them stood quietly in Richie’s bedroom for a moment, before Richie’s eyes dropped to look at Eddie and frown. “Is that my sweater?”

“You weren’t at school today.” Eddie fiddled with the bottom hem of the sweater and stared at the ground. 

Richie sighed and ran his fingers through his rough curls. “Yeah, Riley was really fussy last night so I slept like shit. My mom is away for the rest of the week so my dad is way more chill and let me stay home and catch up on the sleep I missed.” Richie broke into a grin. “Awe, Eds baby, did you miss me?” 

“Shut up, Trashmouth!” Eddie swatted Richie on the chest. “Last time you didn’t come to school, you were… gone.”

“Oh.” Richie paused, then frowned. He stepped forward and wrapped Eddie into a surprisingly light hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think-”

“No, it’s okay, I…” Eddie cleared his throat as he tried not to get lost in the smell of the Tozier’s laundry detergent. “I over thought. And I fought with the Losers today.”

Richie stepped back from Eddie’s space, a deep frown settled on his face. “What… because I wasn’t at school?”

“No.” Eddie said unconvincingly. Richie raised his eyebrows and Eddie sighed. “Not exactly, okay? Like maybe it started that way, I guess, but we didn’t fight because of you. We fought because of us. It’s not your fault. You weren’t even there.”

Richie dropped down onto his bed and stared down at his hands. “They’re really mad at me, huh?”

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah, they are. But that’s… that’s their problem. It’s not like… they need to get over it.”

Richie shook his head. “No, they… This isn’t some game or some stupid little fight. This is my whole life now, it’s what I have. All I have, my everything. You guys don’t have to bother with this, it’s not your life.”

Eddie glanced at the small, sleeping figure in the little basket and wrinkled his nose. “Maybe it’s not our problem, but you’re our trashmouth. And I’m sure they’d stick by you if they knew-”

Richie was already shaking his head before Eddie could finish speaking. “You know I can’t.”

Eddie cleared his throat. “I know you  _ think  _ that you can’t, but Richie, honestly-”

“I don’t want to talk about it again, Eddie.” Richie said. “I know it’s not ideal and that it won’t work forever, but I- I’m not ready and I don’t think… I can’t lose them.”

“You’re already losing them.” Eddie almost whispered but Richie’s face contorted with pain as he heard it anyway. Eddie clutched his hands together. “I’m sorry, I… No matter what happens you’ll always have me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Richie gave Eddie a watery smile that made his heart race. 

Eddie took a short shuddering breath. He just wanted everything to be  _ normal.  _ “Go somewhere with me.”

Richie blinked at him. “Eddie, I can’t  _ leave.  _ Riley’s sleeping, and she doesn’t sleep through the night! She could wake up at any time and if I’m not here, and she’s crying-”

“Okay, okay, relax.” Eddie spotted the little white baby monitor and grabbed it. “Just come outside with me. How far does this thing reach?”

“I’m not sure.” Richie said as he stood up slowly. “I’ve never taken it any further than the kitchen before.”

Eddie grinned. “Let’s find out.”

Richie had the baby monitor hooked into his belt loop as he and Eddie climbed down from Richie’s bedroom window. They walked slowly across Richie’s front lawn and out to the street. Richie walked backwards slowly, eyes on Eddie, until he made it halfway across the neighbours front lawn.

“It’s fuzzing out here.” 

Eddie nodded as Richie walked back towards him. “Cool, let’s just… let’s just hang out here for awhile. If that’s alright?”

Richie shrugged one shoulder. “Sure, Eds. Whatever you want.”

Eddie rushed back over to the bush where he’d dumped his board and carried it back. Richie stared at it a little gap mouthed with wide eyes. “Edward Kaspbrak, is that a skateboard? Without a  _ helmet?  _ Does your mother know?”

“You know there’s no goddamn way in hell she does.” Eddie replied with an eye roll. “You think I’d be allowed out of the house if she had any idea that I owned this?”

“Well…” Richie chuckled. “I’m sort of assuming that you don’t have permission to get out of the house right now, so.”

“Smart ass.” Eddie said. “So cocky, bet you couldn’t even  _ stand  _ on a skateboard.”

“What? Like it’s  _ hard?”  _ Richie challenged with a wiggle of his eyebrows. He stepped towards Eddie. “Hand the board over. Let me show you how a real bad boy does it.

“Oh, yeah. You’re  _ sooo  _ bad.” Eddie rolled his eyes as he pushed the board towards Richie’s outstretched foot. “I bet you have cartoon animals on your boxers right now.”

“HEY!” Richie pointed at Eddie, one foot resting on the board. “First of all, I’m a teenage dad- that implies  _ underage sex,  _ Eddie. Total rebel material.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “And for your information, they’re Spongebob. So, you’re wrong.”

“Only by a minor technicality!” Eddie argued as Richie pulled up his shirt to show him the yellow boxers he had on. “But  _ fine,  _ if you’re such a hot shot bad boy- show me what you got, Tozier.”

Richie wobbled the moment he stepped onto the board with both feet, a small surprised noise coming from the back of his throat. Eddie smirked and crossed his arms with a tap of his foot. “Rich. are you serious? You can’t even ride a bike, what makes you think that you can just hop on a skateboard and be fine?”

“This isn’t the same thing!” Richie said, perched stock still on the board so as not tot move it in the slightest. 

“No, it’s not. It’s harder.” Eddie replied. “And more dangerous. Get off before you hurt yourself.”

“Oh, I’ll get off, alright?” Richie winked, still not moving. 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “How does that even make sense, asshole? What the hell, why do you think that. No, you know what, I don’t know what that baby up there is or where you got it because there’s no way in hell anybody ever had sex with you and you can quote me on that. I’d stake my life on it.”

“Eddie, take a breath!” Richie laughed as he swayed on the board. The wheels rolled slightly backwards and the panic flashed over Richie’s face quickly. He thrusted his hands out and Eddie caught them without a thought. Richie’s hands shook in his as they both waited for the board to still. 

Richie let out a low breath. “My parents were right, skateboards are the gateway to motorcycles.” 

Eddie’s eyes blew wide and a grin came over his face. “Do you think my mom would notice if I got a motorcycle? Can’t really hide that under my bed…”

“Anything is possible…” Richie said almost with a wheeze. His hands were shaking againstEddie’s. Eddie pulled on Richie’s hands, pulling both him and the skateboard closer to himself. Richie let out a small squeak and squeezed the absolute life out of Eddie’s hands.

“Ow, Richie.” Eddie whined and tried to pull his hand back but Richie continued to hold him tight. 

“You should totally get a motorcycle, Eds. And a tattoo. Maybe a piercing.” Richie babbled, slightly swinging their hands. “And I’d ride on the back of your motorcycle, just like Big Bill’s bike, only way hotter.”

“You have issues.” Eddie said with a red face. He yanked his hands away from Richie’s and pushed the skateboard with his foot. Richie and the skateboard rolled quickly, Richie letting out an angry and betrayed shout. He stumbled as the board rolled and fell onto his side and onto the lawn. He groaned dramatically.

“You big baby.” Eddie walked over and helped Richie to his feet. “You landed on the grass, that didn’t hurt at all. And you know it.”

“It hurt my feelings.” Richie said lowly and Eddie cocked his brow. Richie opened his mouth, eyes lowered, but before he could get any words out, the sound of a baby gurgling came over the monitor on Richie’s hip.

“Shit.” Richie said as he looked down at it. “I gotta go, Eds.”

“She’s not crying yet,” Eddie said, unsure of why he felt so desperate for Richie to stay outside with him. “Don’t you have time?”

Richie looked at him like he was crazy.

“Okay, okay.” Eddie shook his head. He kicked at the ground and grabbed his board. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, I guess.”

“Well, you don’t have to go.” Richie said quietly. “You can come back up with me. She probably just needs a bottle. We can watch a movie or something.”

Eddie’s stomach twisted awkwardly at the thought. “No, that’s okay. I should get home before my mom or dad notice I’m gone. I’m technically grounded.”

“Grounded?” Richie smirked. “You really a rebel now, Eds. Good for you.”

Eddie smiled at the ground and got onto his board. He forced himself not to turn around as he rode down the street, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Richie watched him leave or not. 


	4. maybe intellectual bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *victoria justice voice* i think we _ all_ want eddie and riley bonding.

Eddie and Richie were laying across Richie’s bed, Eddie’s legs dropped into his Richie’s lap and leaning back against the Richie’s inhuman mountain of pillows. Eddie’s mom said too many pillows lead to depression and trouble breathing, so Eddie was only allowed one pillow at the head of his bed. Laying down on Richie’s bed was always like falling onto the most comfortable cloud that had ever dropped down to Earth.

This had sort of become their new thing, over the last couple of weeks. Richie would drive them back to his house in his slightly rundown old Honda, and Eddie would stick around all afternoon. Eddie and Richie, sitting in Richie’s bed or the Tozier’s living couch, after school. Eddie had become a permanent fixture at the Tozier’s dinner table. They’d just sit around, doing homework or just doing absolutely fuck all, until the sun started to set and Eddie’s curfew hit. Some nights, Eddie could escape out his window and skateboard back over to sit and waste time in Richie’s bedroom into the early mornings. Which was a slippery slope all on its own, where Eddie could fall asleep in Richie’s wonderfully comfortable bed and nearly missed his mother’s morning check-ins. 

“Fuck _ off, _Tozier!” Eddie cried through laughter as he smacked at his best friend’s chest. 

“Hey, hey!” Richie said loudly, grinning from ear to ear. “_ Language. _Little ears?” He pointed towards the bassinet. 

Eddie stared at him for a short moment, then scoffed loudly. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me, _ Trashmouth. _You’re the biggest curser I’ve ever met in my life, first of all. And second of all, what do you think is going to happen? She’ll hear one curse one word from me, and suddenly be able to absorb information and repeat it back to you?”

Richie made a loud, offended noise. “Just because she can’t talk doesn’t mean she isn’t absorbing information, Eds!”

“Richie, she’s three months old!” Eddie burst out laughing. “She’s not absorbing anything except the formula from her bottle.” 

“Oh, yes.” Richie rolled his eyes, reaching into the bassinet and taking the sleeping baby into his arms. He smiled softly down at the sleeping babe, and then grinned up at Eddie. “Mr still afraid of babies.”

Eddie felt himself flush down the back of his neck. Something that hadn’t changed in the last few weeks of hanging around Richie was the simple fact of Riley making him totally uncomfortable. It wasn’t so much that Eddie was afraid of _ Riley, _ but that Eddie was afraid of him with Riley. She was so small, though he could see that she’d gotten bigger since Eddie had met her for the first time, and Eddie was sure he wouldn’t be able to take care of her. That he’d do _ something wrong _and she’d end up getting hurt. 

Richie smirked at him, lifting Riley higher up in his arms. His smile dimmed slightly as he looked into the sleeping girls’ face. “You know, she’s not going anywhere, Eds. One day you’re going to have to stop hating her.” 

“Hating-” Eddie pushed up onto his shins and gave Richie a scandalized look. “Richie, I do _ not _hate her. I just-”

Richie stood, Riley asleep in his arms, and looked down at Eddie with expectation. His stomach clenched awkwardly, potentially as though he was going to throw up. His heart hammered and his palms started to sweat. How could he possibly explain something to Richie when he wasn’t entirely sure about it himself? He was sure that if he told Richie of his fears about hurting Riley, Richie would be able to reassure him easily. Richie, king of clumsy, likely had very similar fears. But part of Eddie- a large part- didn’t want to be reassured. That thought was almost as nerve wracking as the baby itself.

“Richie!” Maggie called up the stairs, startling Eddie and Richie out of their stare down. Riley made a small noise but didn’t seem to wake. “Beverly is here.”

Richie’s eyes blew open wide and Eddie thought if his heart beat any faster, it would explode right out of his rib cage and onto Richie’s bedroom floor. Richie looked between Eddie, Riley and the bedroom for a moment before placing Riley back in the bassinet. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

“What?” Eddie hissed.

Richie looked and flailed his hands once they were free of his daughter. “You’ve been wanting us all to make up, right? This is a good chance to do it! I’ll talk to Beverly, I’ll… explain or I’ll make something up. I don’t know. Give her enough information that she’ll forgive me and things can go back to normal. That’s what we want, right?”

It was what Eddie wanted, but he wasn’t so sure that anything could ever be normal with their friends again. “And what?” Eddie asked. “You’re just going to have the conversation here? What if Riley cries or something? What would your explanation for that be?”

Richie shook his head, and bit down on his bottom lip. “I’ll go for a walk with her.” Richie said finally, grabbing his denim jacket off the back of his desk chair. “No risk of that then. Just wait for me to get back.”  
“With her?” Eddie squeaked, hands shaking. “What do you want me to do?”

“Eddie’s sleeping.” Richie said slowly, shrugging the jacket on. “It’s not a big deal.”

“And what if she wakes up?” Eddie cried. “You don’t even know how long this is going to take! Richie, you can’t just-”

“You know where her bottles are, and you aren’t an idiot, Eddie.” Richie said, stuffing a pack of smokes into his back pocket and jumping into his ratty old Converse sneakers. He tucked the laces into his shoes rather than tie them up, and Eddie wonders again how this disaster of a boy had managed to be such a beyond decent father. “My mom is downstairs if everything really happens. I’ll be back when I can.”

Richie was taking off out the door before Eddie had a chance to give a response. Eddie groaned and looked at the sleeping baby waringly. “Rich-” Maggie was showing at the bottom of the stairs as Richie came thundering down two steps at a time. “Good. She won’t be taking no for an answer, she was about to push past me right and come up there.”

“I was.” Beverly said, standing just behind Maggie with her arms crossed. She glared at Richie as he walked into the front foyer. Richie tucked his hands in the pockets of his jacket and forced a smile that Beverly didn’t return. “We need to talk.” 

“Yeah.” Richie said, throat dry and voice cracking. “I guess we do. Walk with me.”

“Richie…” Maggie said gently, quietly. 

Richie turned around and flashed her a warning look. “Don’t worry. I got it covered. It’s fine.” Richie pressed a hand to the back of Beverly’s shoulders, and ushered her out the front door. Beverly stiffened under his touch, but didn’t pull away. Good sign. 

“I know you want an apology.” Richie said as they set down the street. Beverly remained stone silent and Richie’s pulse picked up. “And you deserve one. It’s just-”

“Richie.” Beverly said roughly. “I know this isn’t some light thing. It’s you just jetting off to do whatever, okay? Your whole family disappeared for months. It was obviously something serious. I’m not mad that you had to take personal time or whatever happened. I’m not a monster.”

“I never said you were.” Richie said quietly, kicking at the ground where they walked. He sent a small rock shooting down the sidewalk. 

Beverly sighed slowly. “I don’t think that was directed to you.” She shook her head. “The problem isn’t that you left or really even that you didn’t tell us. If something happened to your family and you can’t tell us, that’s your business. But you’ve been lying to us and blowing us off since you got back. And _ that’s _the issue. I won’t be lied to, Rich. None of us will. That’s not the friendship we have.”

“I’m sorry.” Richie said roughly. “I do love you guys, you know? I just… I’m having a lot of shit going on, you know? And shit is so different now and I’m adjusting to my life again and-”

“You’re adjusting to your life again, and the Losers aren’t part of it?” Beverly said coldly. 

“No! That’s not it at all!” Richie cried, but he wondered if maybe it was like that. He’d known that this sort of thing couldn’t be a secret forever, not a living human. Riley wasn’t some dirty little secret and Richie had no plans of keeping her life like that forever. His parents had expressed plenty distaste in Richie’s course of action, and Eddie seemed pretty weird about it, too. “I just… I have to get comfortable with how things are now because I can… let people back in.”

Beverly was quiet for a long time, then looked up at the sky. “Let’s go down to the old playground.”

Richie followed her, heart tense.

Eddie sat crossed legged, staring almost unblinkly at the baby in the basket. Every once in a while, he’d squint to make sure her tiny chest was still moving. He’d reach out slowly, hand shaking, get close to resting it over the sleeping infant then he’d jerk his hand away. He held his hand to his chest, and he glared at her.

Maggie knocked at the bedroom door and pushed it open, holding a steaming white mug in her hands. “Hey, Eddie. I brought you hot chocolate.” She smiled at him. “With extra cinnamon, just how you like it.”

Eddie beamed at her and gladly accepted the drink. “Thank you, Mrs Tozier.” 

Maggie pulled out the desk seat and sat down. She smiled at him. “I think I should be thanking you, Eddie.” She said with a smile. “For being there for Richie. He really needs a friend right now and I know he’s so afraid that his friend won’t accept this part of his life. I doubt he’s said anything to you, but I know it means a lot to him how much you’ve been around and how supportive you’ve been.”

_ You know, she’s not going anywhere, Eds. One day you’re going to have to stop hating her. _

Eddie sighed, clenching his fists together. “I don’t think I’m as supportive as you guys think I am.” Eddie said, clenching his jaws and trying to keep tears from forming in his eyes. “I mean, I _ am _supportive! He’s doing something amazing and hard and I couldn’t dream of doing something like this. He’s probably the strongest person I’ve ever met but-”

Maggie kept eye contact with Eddie, smiling softly while he collected his thoughts. He sighed and shook his head. “I’m scared of her.”

Maggie blinked. “What? Riley?”

Eddie grabbed one of Richie’s pillows and clutched it to his chest. “Not in like, I think she could beat me up kind of way. But-”

“In a way, her existence changes your way of life kind of way?” Maggie asked gently.

Eddie frowned for a moment, letting that question turn over in his mind for a moment. He shook his head. “No, not even that.” He replied. “Like, yeah, of course, it’s like that, she’s changed everything but that’s not what I’m afraid of. It’s more like…” Eddie swallowed hard then began to spit out words at a rapid pace. “She’s just the smallest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m terrified that if I so much as look at her the wrong way, she’ll get hurt and that’s a lot of pressure and it really freaks me out like all the time.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Maggie got up from the desk and dropped down beside Eddie on the bed. She wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and he flopped against her gratefully. “I get that feeling. Went and I weren’t much older than Richie is when we had his sister. And it was _ terrifying. _Went took it in stride, Richie gets that from him, I guess. I'm just worried all the time that I was going to do something wrong, or that something bad would happen to her. As she got older, it just got worse. I was so sure we were gonna really screw that kid up.”

Eddie thought on Richie’s older sister, Robin. She was about five years older, already out of Derry and halfway through her undergrad. Serious plans on becoming a lawyer, with a sweet boyfriend and a cute little apartment in New York City. Richie always pretended he and his sister didn’t get on, but Eddie knew he adored her.

“Robin turned out great.” Eddie said softly. “You didn’t need to worry about her. Richie though…”

Maggie chuckled. “Richie is a very different story from Robin. Has been since the day he was born.” The words could maybe be considered harsh, but Maggie’s voice was nothing but fond. “Both my kids are going to do wonderful things with their lives. Just very different things. And that’s okay.”

“You’re not disappointed in him?” Eddie asked. Richie had been extremely vague about his relationship with his parents. He’d mentioned that they’d been very financially supportive, and been great about making allowances for Richie and doing everything they could to make his life easier with school, but Richie had never really opened up to how things were emotionally between them.

Maggie sighed. “I was, at first. I think any parent would be, to hear those words coming from their sixteen year old child’s mouth. Went was furious with him, it was a painful trip to Indiana. But it didn’t take long for the disappointment to be replaced by pride. I’m proud of him for stepping up, for all the sacrifices he’s made without so much as a compliant. He’s a good kid and I’m proud of who he’s grown to be.”

Eddie nodded slowly, eyes dragging down to look at the sleeping baby. 

Maggie rubbed at Eddie’s back. “Don’t worry too much, Eddie.” She said softly, moving to stand up. “It’s not going to be instantaneous for you. It’ll come with time, I promise. You just need to bond with her.”

Maggie walked towards the bedroom door, and paused. She turned around and smiled at him. Eddie looked up from the sleeping baby, and frowned. “How do I bond with a baby? She can’t exactly hold a conversation.”

“And who’s to say that bonds have to be intellectual?” Maggie challenged him before leaving the room.

Eddie looked back down at Riley and slowly let his hand come out to rest lightly, barely touching, on her chest. She cooed in her sleep and Eddie smiled. 

Beverly hung upside down from the monkey bars while Richie stood underneath. “I’m not going to beg you.” She said, while Richie’s eyes were glued on Beverly’s long hair falling towards the ground. “But I’m not sure we’ll be able to move forward as friends unless you give me something that’s actually true.”

“Do you remember the girl I lost my virginity to? At my aunt and uncle’s?” Richie asked Beverly’s hair. She hummed, still sounding a little disbelieving. It tugged at a part deep inside of Richie that remembered how much it had hurt when none of his friends had believed him about having sex. It didn’t seem like such a huge deal now, but the old Richie was still stung by it. “She was pregnant. We disappeared to go deal with everything she needed help with.”

Beverly dropped off the monkey bars, landing awkwardly on her shoulder. “Ouch.” She hissed while Richie rushed forward and helped her to her feet. “Holy shit, Rich. That’s insane! Okay, I totally get why you’ve been being weird. That must have been so crazy!”

“Yeah, it’s been really intense.” Richie said bashfully, scratching at the back of his neck. Beverly was dusting off her ripped jeans and Richie suddenly felt a wave of affection for her. She’d been one of the most important people in his life for so long that Richie barely remembered a time before being close to her. He opened his mouth, god help him, he was going to tell her, he would, he-

“Well sucks you had to go out there for the adoption process.” Beverly said, grinning at him. “I’m sure it must have been so hard for you both, don’t even worry about acting like a freak lately. I’m sure it’s hard to get over something like that.”

“Uh, well-” Richie said, clearly his throat awkwardly. “Actually-”

“But it’s for the best, I’m sure.” Beverly carried on, shaking her head. “Could you imagine _ you _with a baby? That’s horrific, Rich.” She laughed and patted him on the shoulder. “I’m sure everybody involved is better off this way.”

Richie’s heart sunk and he clenched his jaw. He shook his head, and looked down at his feet. 

Beverly came forward and linked her arm through Richie’s. “Take however much time you need to adjust, Rich.” Beverly said. “I’ll get the others off your back, I’ll find something to tell them. Just don’t keep us waiting forever, yeah? We’re your friends, we miss you.”

“Yeah.” Richie said, guiding them towards Beverly’s house with his heart in his gut. “I miss you guys, too.”

When Richie got home, he bulldozed right past his parents without a word and booked it up the stairs to his room. He pushed open the door, trying to remind himself to be quiet in case Riley was asleep, but it was hard to be quiet when he could barely see past the tears in his eyes. 

He froze in the doorway, blinking the tears away to double check he was seeing what he _ thought _he was seeing. Eddie was sitting up against Richie’s pillow mountain, with baby Riley nestled and cooing in his arms. She had one of Eddie’s fingers tangled in her fist. “Hey!” Eddie spoke softly, beaming at Richie. “She woke up, but she didn’t cry so I don’t think she’s hungry, maybe I was wrong but she seems calm enough and-”

Richie flopped onto the bed, prompting Eddie and Riley to make similar surprised noises. Richie pressed his face against Eddie’s shoulder, eye line set with his daughter’s face. Eddie looked down at him and frowned. “Things didn’t go well with Bev?”

“It went absolutely terrible.” Richie mumbled against Eddie’s shoulder. “But Bev thinks it went well, so that’s what really matters.”

Eddie shifted, and sighed. “Do you want her?” Eddie leaned slightly towards Richie with Riley. “Because I get-”

“Nope.” Richie smiled and inhaled Eddie’s scent that surrounded him. “I am perfect just like this.”

Eddie flushed and looked away Richie to smile down at baby Riley.


	5. stan by me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh, i wanna apologize for how long it's been between updates on this (and tbh all my fics) but i've been SUPER BUSY working on my it exchange fics and my reddie big bang fic that my wips took a bit of back seat!! but i haven't given up on them!! and i'm going to try to get back on track with updates. thank you to everybody who's left comments between these two updates, it's so encouraging to know that people are still interested in this fic!!

Eddie Kaspbrak had a problem. That problem was Richie Tozier’s constant biting and licking at his lips. Was this a new habit he’d picked up while away this past summer or had he always done this? It must be new, it bothered Eddie so much that he would have noticed and been annoyed by it before this if Richie had always done it. 

He was doing it now, sitting beside him in AP English. Licking at his bottom lip as he read his borrowed copy of  _ Frankenstein.  _ Eddie tapped his fingers on his desk, eyes trained on Richie’s now-wet and shiny bottom lip. It was going to chap like that, get irritated. Knowing Richie he’d pick at them and chew at them rather than putting on chapstick to help them properly heal. They’d probably get infected-

Something smacked Eddie in the back of the head and he whipped around, frowning deeply. Stan was sitting behind them, and he was smirking. “You’re staring,” he mouthed at Eddie, who whipped back to glance at Richie, as though he’d be looking back at him. Eddie scowled to himself, what did it  _ matter  _ if Richie overheard Stan being a jerk. Eddie directed his scowl to Stan, and ducked back down to look at his book, wishing that the back of his neck was warmed up with a blush. 

As class dismissed, Eddie jumped from his seat and rushed out into the hall. He heard Richie give a shout after him, but he didn’t slow down. He couldn’t quite describe the panic that was beginning to settle in his chest, it wasn’t like anything he’d experienced before. It wasn’t asthma or fear, or even that burning sort of anger that sometimes made him feel short of breath in the worst way. This was…. new. He almost felt over-exposed. Like just the idea that he was being seen-

“Eddie!” 

Eddie gasped loudly and whipped around at the sudden touch on his shoulder and voice in his ear. Heart racing in his chest, he realized it was Stan- and that Stan was holding his book bag. Eddie sighed and accepted it, holding it to his chest. “Thanks.”

“Somebody sure left in a hurry.” Stan said, still with that all knowing smirk. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Eddie asked, turning on his heel and starting back down the hallway. “I don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Oh no?” Stan chuckled, keeping pace with Eddie easily. “Not even the fact that you just spent all of class staring at Richie Tozier like he had the answers to the universe when he probably doesn’t even have the answers to last night’s history homework.”

Eddie’s chest flared. Richie did have the answers to the homework, he always did. Stan knew this, and Eddie knew that Stan was just teasing, just like he always did. It didn’t stop it from stinging or activating Eddie’s defensiveness. 

“Look, Eddie,” Stan rested his hand lightly on Eddie’s arm. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know? Even if it’s Richie. It’s just- Richie’s been going through a lot, you know? Now probably isn’t the best time for him to be getting involved with anything.”

Eddie exhaled hard. Of course he knew that Richie was going through a lot- he knew that better than Stan did. The last couple days since Richie had talked to Beverly had been easier. Things were still tense among the Losers, but Richie was back in the group. He still didn’t come around after school, because of course he couldn’t, and Eddie tried his hardest to split his time between what the Losers were doing and visiting Richie and Riley. So, truly, how dare Stan act like Eddie didn’t understand that Richie was going through stuff. Nobody understood like Eddie did.

“Thanks, Stan.” Eddie jerked his arm away. “But your advice is unneeded. Richie and I are just friends and that’s all I feel about him. Alright? So don’t worry.”

Stan looked unconvinced, and crossed his arms. “I’m just looking out for you guys. Things have been weird for all of lately, and things are just starting to get back to normal. I don’t want anybody getting hurt- not Richie, and not you, okay?”

Eddie deflated and gave Stan a light smile. “I get it, and I promise you don’t need to worry, okay? I love Richie, but it’s not- it’s not like that. I love him like I love the rest of you guys.”

Stan made soft noise, and patted Eddie on the shoulder. “Okay, I’m not trying to pry into your business. Frankly, that’s the last thing I wanna do. The less I know about anything the better.” He said, prompting Eddie to chuckle. “ _ But  _ if you ever do wanna talk, I’m all ears. For you and you only.”

“Thanks, Stan.” Eddie said softly, then surprised them both by tossing his arms around Stan’s shoulders and hugging him tightly. Stan let out a small, shocked noise before returning the hug and giving Eddie a squeeze.

“What’s this? Can I get in one the ac-action.” Eddie barely heard Bill’s voice before another pair of arms were draping around them and pulling them in. Eddie broke into giggles as Bill struggled to tuck a struggling Stan under his chin. Stan pushed himself away, pink in the cheeks, and fixed his shirt. 

“No, nope. You ruined it, Denbrough.” Stan said with half a smirk and Eddie thought his cheeks might rip from how hard he was smiling. It had been too long since he’d felt this on top of the world. His spirits just soared all the more when Richie came down the hall, chattering loudly with Mike, and broke into a huge grin when he made eye contact with Eddie. He bounced forward and tossed an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him in and guiding Eddie to rest his head on Richie’s shoulder. “What’s happening, my dear oldest friends? We got some good news going on here?” 

“Nope.” Eddie said, smiling at Stan who winked back at him. “Just some good ass gay friendship.”

“Well, in that case- can we move this gay friendship to the cafetria?” Richie asked, his hand rubbing at Eddie’s shoulders almost absentmindedly. “Because I’m starving and I think we’re pretty capable of being gay anywhere we want.”

The words twinged in Eddie’s heart awkwardly, and he found himself ducking away from Richie touch without so much as thinking about it. Richie didn’t seem too bothered, moving from Eddie and to tangle himself around Bill, hugging him from behind and whispering something in his ear that made Bill crack up. Eddie smiled to himself, his chest warm. 

Beverly and Ben were seated around their usual table as the rest of the Losers approached, all coming to sit together around the table having easily three different conversations. Richie slid into the seat beside Eddie, and wordlessly handed him one of the chocolate milks off his tray. Eddie smiled thankfully and realized it would be better to just accept it, rather than argue it. Eddie would never buy the chocolate milks himself, always trying to choose the healthiest options their cafeteria held. Bottled water, fried rice, rather than the heaps of pizza or fries with pop that his friends always buy. But lately, Richie always grabbed a chocolate milk for Eddie, somehow knowing that while Eddie would not buy it for himself that he would still want it.

“So, what’s the plan for this weekend?” Beverly asked, reaching over and taking fries off Ben’s tray. 

“What’s this weekend?” Richie asked, mouthful of pizza. Eddie scowled at Richie’s lack of manners and handed him a napkin.

“It’s the college fair in Bangor.” Eddie said, reaching up to wipe at Richie’s face when Richie didn’t move to do so himself. He pretended he didn’t see the looks exchanged by Beverly and Stan while he did so. “It’s Saturday and Sunday afternoon, everybody will have to stay overnight. Which means,  _ as usual,  _ there’s no way my mom is going to let me go.”

“What about your dad?” Ben asked.

Eddie hummed. His father did have some weight when it came to Sonia Kaspbrak and her smothering, but not always. Every time Frank stepped in, it caused tension and anger between Eddie’s parents, which always made the environment at home uncomfortable for Eddie, too. He’d long since learned to pick his battles when it came to his mom saying no, and dragging his father into the issue. “It wouldn’t be worth it, really, causing a fight between them like that.” Eddie said sadly. “I already know I wanna go to NYU anyway, I don’t really need to go to the college fair.”

“You can hang around here with me, Eds.” Richie shot him a beam, knocking their shoulders together. Eddie smiled back at him, momentarily distracted from the way the rest of the table stopped to stare at Richie.

“You’re not going, Rich?” Mike asked lightly, frown lines appearing between his brow. 

Richie’s smile slipped off his face and Eddie dropped his hand down to squeeze Richie’s knee. Of course Richie wouldn’t be going. He couldn’t get away from home for the weekend anymore than Eddie could. Eddie correctly suspected that even if Richie could get permission to leave for the weekend- he simply wouldn’t want to. 

“Nah.” Richie said, forcing that smile back onto his face and giving a nonchalant shrug. Eddie could feel Richie’s knee jittering under his touch, and Eddie’s own heart started to hammer in his chest as he felt the eyes of everybody trained on Richie. “College isn’t really in the books for me, right now.”

Honest. Maybe too honest. Eddie tried to keep his expression as blank as he possibly could, but he had never really been good at keeping his emotions inside and right now they were like turmoil inside of him. It was something they hadn’t talked about- what Richie was planning to do next, where his life was going now that he had Riley- but here it was hanging out in the open. Richie didn’t see college as an option for him anymore, and that stung Eddie inside. Eddie didn’t want to be angry- a flash in his mind of Riley in her one piece sleepers and big brown eyes and Eddie knew he couldn’t be mad- but he still felt the unfairness deep inside of him and it made him feel  _ something,  _ even if he couldn’t explain what that something was.

“What?” Bill asked in a laugh. “Since when is college not in the b-b-books for you? Are you s-s-suddenly not a g-genius, Rich? L-last time I checked, you were sm-smarter than any of us.”

“It’s not about being smart, Bill.” Richie said lightly, clearly attempting to keep peace even as his expression grew tighter and his body language became stiff. “I just- it’s not where my life is heading right now.”

“Not where your ll-life is headed.” Bill deadpanned. “So wh-wh-where is it head-headed, Rich? B-B-because I don’t kn-know anymore. A-Are you pluh-planning do to any-anything with it at all?”

Richie clenched his fists for a moment then sighed. “College isn’t the be all and end all of life, Billy. You can do things without having to go into debt going to school.”

“Like what?” Bill challenged. “What, Richie? You’re going to settle down here in D-D-Derry like the ruh-ruh-rest of our parents? Have a a wuh-wife you’ll hate and some kuh-kids you’ll ig-ignore-”

Richie pushed back away from the table, hands clenched angrily at his side. His chair made a clattering noise as it fell to the floor. Eddie knew that all the eyes in the cafeteria were on their little table now. “ _ FUCK  _ you, Bill. You don’t know anything about me.”

“Yeah.” Bill said coldly. “Apparently not.”

Richie didn’t show up in the rest of their afternoon classes, and as soon school let out, Eddie was taking off and rushing through the halls. He was just passing the bike racks, thinking that he was actually home free, when he heard Stan shouting after him. 

“Hey Eddie!” He said, skipping to the anxiously waiting boy. “The rest of the Losers are going to hit up the $4 afternoon movies, you in?”

Eddie frowned and glanced around, determined to look anywhere but in Stan’s eye. “I’m gonna…” Eddie cleared his throat awkwardly. “Things got kind of intense at lunch. I think I’m gonna go check on Richie, actually.”

“Oh perfect, that’s a great idea.” Stan grabbed Eddie by the shoulders and turned him around, guiding him out of the school parking lot and towards the Derry sidewalk. “I’ll go with you. I haven’t seen the Toziers in ages, it’ll be nice to pop in.”

Eddie’s heart remained tightly and throbbing in his throat, strangling him and bringing him completely unable to speak the entire way to the Tozier house. They walked in silence, Eddie unable to tell if Stan could feel how awkward it was, or if Stan was oblivious. Though, Stan Uris was never oblivious was he? He’d known there was more to what was happening than Eddie and Richie were letting on, and now Eddie had no way to throw him off the case without giving it away. He was stuck. 

Eddie made his way up the Toziers front step first and rang the doorbell. He tried to ignore how his hands were shaking. Stan ignored it, too. Maggie Tozier opened the door, her eyes blank until they landed on Eddie and she broke into a smile. “Eddie, I’ve told you a hundred times you don’t need to knock!” She said cheerfully, before noticing Stan standing by Eddie’s side. “Stanley Uris! It’s been a long time, son!”

“It’s good to see you, Mrs Tozier.” Stan said happily, moving forward to hug her lightly. “Is Richie home? We wanted to make sure he was feeling okay, since he left school early.”

A tense expression crossed Maggie’s face as Eddie fidgeted from foot to foot. “He’s in the living room.” She said, and Eddie quickly pushed into the house and rushed there without even taking off his shoes. He skidded into the living room, Richie sitting against the couch, knees pulled up with Riley sitting and gurgling at him his lap. He was beaming down at him, and- as usual- it took Richie a moment to pull his face away from his daughter’s face to greet his guest. “Hey, Eds!” 

“Richie, I’m sorry-” Eddie started, but he knew he wouldn’t get any real chance to warn Richie of anything. He watched the panic cross Richie’s face as he recognized the voice speaking to his mother in the entrance way, but there was nothing either of them could do because Stan was coming into the living room. 

Stan froze, staring at Richie, at Riley. His eyes were wide, and it was some sort of expression that Eddie had never seen on the cool, collected face of Stanley Uris. “Holy shit…  _ Richie.”  _ He breathed out, taking another step into the room. 

Richie exchanged a quick look with Eddie, who moved forward to take Riley into his arms without a word. He sat down onto the couch, holding the baby girl to his chest. She was more than content to be held by Eddie, but it was still clear that her eyes were searching for her father. Eddie’s were, too, really as he glanced over his shoulder at where Richie and Stan were standing in front of one another.

Richie didn’t say a word, just shrugged one shoulder. Eddie couldn’t see Richie’s face, couldn’t read his expressions, but Stan’s face was flooded with emotion as he moved forward and pulled Richie into himself. Hand cupped to the back of Richie’s head as Richie folded against him. Stan closed his eyes for a moment, before they opened and met Eddie’s.

Eddie smiled sadly at him, as Riley’s fingers curled around Eddie’s fist. Stan’s gaze fell down to the baby and he pulled away from Richie. “Wow…” He said quietly as he stepped forward and lowered himself down beside Eddie on the couch. His hand came out and rested on Riley’s small stomach, completely captivated by her. Not that Eddie could blame him. 

“This is Miss Riley Tozier,” Richie said quietly, kneeling in front of his friends and his daughter. His eyes were watery. “And she’s everything.” 


	6. mario kart and contemplation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter's a little short but i've been REALLY missing them so I wanted to get something out for you guys <3

“Hey, what are you doing after school?” Eddie closed Stanley’s locker while the other boy was using it and smiled up at him. Stan stepped back and gave Eddie a disapproving frown. 

“I was going to go to the clubhouse and hang out with the other Losers.” Stan pushed at Eddie’s shoulder until the boy stepped back and Stan could reopen his locker. “Like pretty much every other day. Why?”

Eddie hummed, and rested his head against the edge of Stan’s locker door. “Okay, well.” Eddie smirked and glanced over his shoulder before stepping closer to Stan and lowering his voice. “Richie has to stay late at school because he’s extremely behind on all his school work and he asked me if I would be able to go over to relieve his mom on Miss Riley duty.”

Stan kept a pretty blank expression but Eddie wasn’t imagining the way his eyes light up. 

“So I was thinking, why don’t you come with me?” Eddie asked, drumming his fingers against the metal and smirking. “Unless you’re  _ really looking forward  _ to going to the clubhouse like you do like  _ every other day.” _

Stan pursed his lips to hold back a smile. “Well, I think that the only logical thing to do is go with you. I’m not sure we can trust you alone with this responsibility.”

Eddie wasn’t sure, either. When Richie had asked him, Eddie had tried to decline. There had to be another option-  _ any  _ other option. They’d argued it the entire way to school, Eddie confident that pretty much  _ anybody  _ would be better at watching Riley than he would. He hadn’t been alone with her since the night Richie had gone off to talk to Beverly, and even that had only been for less than an hour and Maggie had been there almost the entire time. Eddie wasn’t  _ ready  _ for watching Riley, not on his own. 

He’d kept up a stubborn argument until Richie had slumped his shoulders and gave Eddie a long, and tired look. “Eds, there’s nobody in this  _ world  _ I’d trust Riley with more than you, okay? So shut up.”

Eddie hadn’t been able to make any sort of argument after that, not after the way Richie had been looking at him. Not after seeing the trust in Richie’s eyes. Richie always believed in Eddie more than Eddie felt he ever truly deserved. Maybe he couldn’t refuse Richie this ask, but Eddie was still positive he would let his best friend down if he did this. 

“Cool.” Eddie said, giving Stan a quick smile. “We can head right over after last period if that works for you. I need to get there by 3:00 so that Mrs Tozier isn’t late for her shift. Richie said he shouldn’t be any later than 5, so it won’t be long. You can even make it to the clubhouse, since you so obviously wanted to.”

Eddie was just trying to keep up a teasing environment with Stanley, but he should have known how easy it was for Stan to slip back into seriousness. Eddie watched the excited gleam that mentioning Riley had brought to Stan’s eyes drip out, and that stupid wrinkle better his brow appeared. He frowned and Eddie winced as he prepared himself for a good ol’ Stan speech. 

“Instead of making fun of me for wanting to hang out with our friends,” Stan said slowly as he adjusted his backpack straps on his shoulders. “You should spend a little more time thinking about why you’re avoiding them.” 

“I’m not-!” Eddie cried indignantly but Stan had already turned on his heel and was marching down the hall towards his class. Eddie sighed out a rough breath and ran his fingers through his hair. It was getting long around his ears, starting to curl up around the edges. His mother would demand he cut it soon. “I’m not avoiding anybody.” Eddie finished into the empty hallway before realizing he’s officially late for class.

Maggie was already in her scrubs and rushing towards the door when Eddie and Stan came in. “Oh, thank God, Eddie, you’re here. Working has been trying to get me to go in early for almost an hour, the hospital is going to be short staffed tonight.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Eddie said as Maggie gently handed off an almost sleeping Riley. She was a soft to the touch onesie with a zipper covered in giraffes and Eddie smiled at her as he tucked the yellow blanket tighter around her. 

“It’s not your fault,” Maggie said distractedly. She reached out and ruffled Eddie’s curls as she grabbed her purse from the rack by the front door. “She was fed only about 30 minutes ago, so she should be fine until Rich gets home. She’ll probably sleep the whole time. Should be easy enough for you guys. It was good seeing you again, Stanley!”

“Have a nice shift Mrs Tozier!” Stan called as their friend’s mom rushed out the front door. Stan grabbed himself and Eddie both drinks from the kitchen and they made their ways upstairs to Richie’s bedroom. Eddie had mostly gotten used to the changes of Richie since Riley had come into his life, but little things like seeing Richie’s bedroom clean and organized always managed to be a shock to the system. Today there was still a little clutter, bed unmade from sleeping and pajamas on the floor instead of in the laundry, but it was nothing compared to before.

Eddie noticed Stan glancing around the room with a bright look of surprise, but knew better than to bring it up. Or maybe he just didn’t want to. Eddie had no more than sat down on Richie’s bed then Riley had burst in loud, messy baby cries. Stan whipped away from the shelf of books above Richie’s desk and stared at Eddie and Riley in horror. “What did you do?” He hissed. 

Eddie rolled his eyes, slowly bouncing her in his arms. “I didn’t do anything. She’s a baby, they cry.”

“They don’t just cry for no reason.” Stan countered, stepping slightly closer to the bed but still hesitating a distance away. 

“No, Stanny, I thought it might be a good idea to leave her crying and feeling distressed. That’s what you normally do with children, right?”

Stan scowled at Eddie, arms crossed around his chest. “Is she hungry?”

“No.” Eddie shook his head. “Maggie just told us she fed her. Babies eat a lot but not constantly.”

“If you know so much about babies, then what’s wrong?” 

Eddie looked down at her. Riley was crying steadily, cheeks turning red. He hadn’t really seen her cry much in the while since he’d met her. Sure, she cried, but Richie seemed to always be able to figure out what was the matter and solve it quickly. Mostly Riley was a happy and quiet baby, and Eddie couldn’t recognize what each individual cry from Riley meant. He patted her bottom, not squishy or wet. He tried putting the pacifier into her mouth, which worked for a moment before she’d spit it out or just cry around it. 

“Do you think babies know their own schedules?” Stan asked suddenly while Eddie laid Riley down on her back on the bed and considered ripping his own hair out. Eddie turned to Stan and gave him a blank look. “I mean, not like, when they eat or when to sleep but… do you think maybe she knows that Richie is supposed to be here right now and she’s upset because he’s not?”

Eddie licked his lips and turned back to glance at the crying baby on Richie’s bed. Before Eddie could even try to figure something out to help her, a blue T-shirt seemed to fall from the air over her face. “What the hell?” Eddie whipped around and glared at Stan, who had moved closer. 

“WHY WOULD YOU THROW DIRTY CLOTHES ON A BABY, ARE YOU KIDDING?” Eddie hissed. “YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING, DON’T KNOW THAT-”

Stan hushed him. “Look, Eddie.”

Eddie turned back to Riley, who had almost immediately gone quiet. She was cooing slightly, touching the fabric of the shirt lightly and rubbing her face against it. All protests and shouts died on Eddie’s lips as he stared down at her and his heart fluttered in his chest. 

“Wow, Eddie.” Stan took a seat at Richie’s desk and began pulling textbooks out of his backpack. “I’ve thought that you’ve bailing on us for Richie, but you’ve actually just taken a shining to the littler Tozier.”

Eddie scooped Riley back up into his arms, letting her keep the T-shirt tight in his little fists, and gave Stanley an unamused look. She nuzzled against Eddie’s chest as he held her close. “Shut up, I am here to hang out with Richie. And since the rest of our friends are assholes.”

Stan sighed, his Chemistry textbook open in his lap though he wasn’t reading it. “I’ll admit some of them have been questionable, lately, but you can’t throw them all down like that. They don’t know, Eddie, except that Richie disappeared for months, came back acting weird and lying, and now you’re bailing on them all the time, too. Bill’s pretty torn up about it, actually.”

Eddie swallowed harshly, feeling a slight pang of guilt rush through him. Eddie hadn’t really spoken to Bill since his and Richie’s fight in the cafeteria anymore than he’d had to. If they were in the same place, it wasn’t like Eddie ignored him or played some childish game of “did you guys hear something?” but Eddie didn’t exactly go out of his way to talk to him anymore. He’d found a new English partner and didn’t sit with Bill in any of his shared classes anymore. He’d just been so  _ angry  _ that Bill could have said such things to Richie.

“You’re his best friend, Eddie.” Stan continued when it became obvious that Eddie wasn’t going to say anything. “Have been since you both still wore diapers. I get that this is important to you, and that you and Richie are… You and Richie-” Eddie flushed deeply. “But don’t shut him out like this, he’s really beating himself up over you not talking to him.”

“And what about Richie?” Eddie snapped. “He hurt Richie, you heard the things he said!”

“Maybe they weren’t nice things to say, but Bill didn’t  _ know  _ the impact it would have.” Stan pointed out. “Trust me, I hate having to defend Bill to anybody but he’s not mean spirited, he’s just an idiot. And Richie isn’t even ignoring Bill as hard as you are- and I think you know that.”

Eddie frowned. His mother had asked him about Bill just the other day, too. Why they hadn’t been hanging out. Eddie was pretty sure that she was just trying to keep Eddie from going over Richie’s so much, as she’d never made her distaste for Richie or his parents a secret- but she hadn’t been wrong. Bill hadn’t been over once since the school year had started, and that was rare as he was one of the few friends Eddie ever had over at the house for longer than just picking him up at the front door. It may have been one of few times his mother had had a genuine concern that Eddie had just written off as his mother’s usual bullshit. 

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” Eddie said begrudgingly. Stan smiled. “Don’t smile at me like that. I said I’d talk to him, I’m not promising anything. I’m still pissed he’d talk to Richie like that.”

“Everybody talked to Richie like that, once upon a time.” Stan said offhandedly. Eddie didn’t have much of a comeback for that one. 

When Richie got home he insisted that Stan had to play him in Mario Kart before he was allowed to go anywhere, and soon enough the sun was setting and Stan was rushing out with complaints of being late for dinner and empty threats in Richie’s direction. 

Richie flopped gracelessly onto the bed, prompting little squeaks from Riley in her bassinet. Richie rolled across the bed and rubbed at Riley’s tummy with a soft smile. “What about you, Eds? Gotta get home to Mom’s cooking?”

Technically yes, Eddie was supposed to be home for dinner. His mother had been on his ass about not being home enough, and even Frank had been on her side about that. Eddie probably should have left the Toziers when Richie had got home, but Eddie hadn’t been very good at what he  _ should be  _ doing lately. 

“Nah.” He said, taking a seat next to Richie and Riley on the bed. Richie glanced at Eddie from the corner of his ear like he didn’t believe him, but Richie wasn’t the type to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Let’s play more Mario.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass, pretty boy.” 


	7. declarations of school spirit and undying love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minor warnings for: slut shaming (small) and incredibly minor head injuries :)

Richie still hadn’t gotten the hang of how weird things were. He’d gotten his routine down to a science, and was even getting better at pretending he wasn’t exhausted all of the time. Eddie was an absolute godsent, and Richie was sure he would have crashed and burned long ago without him. Stan knowing the truth was nice, too, though he wasn’t all that helpful when it came to Riley, but Stanley Uris had always been a calming presence in any situation. 

No, what Richie hadn’t gotten used to was how he was expected to go to school and suddenly not be a father for eight hours of the day. Goofy Richie Tozier, nerdy Richie Tozier, irresponsible class clown Richie Tozier. He knew he wasn’t doing a great job by any means, if the reactions of the Other Losers were anything to go by, but most of his classmates didn’t seem to notice anything was different. That literally everything in his life had changed, and he wouldn’t go back to the way things were. 

“What is this about?” Richie asked, sliding into the desk beside Patricia Blum. He shared quite a few classes with her, but he didn’t really know. She was a pretty and quiet girl, and Richie sometimes noticed Stanley staring at her. The Old Richie would have mocked Stan and made a big deal about it, but New Dad Richie just didn’t have the energy for other people’s love lives. He approved of Stan’s crush either way. 

“I guess there’s been some sort of… outbreak,” Patty whispered back to him, her cheeks pink. “They’re making our homeroom teachers walk us through Sex Ed 2.0.”

Richie turned back to the front of the classroom, watching as their teacher placed an easel at the front of the room with GONORRHEA written on it black marker. “Oh, shit. Cheers.”

Patty chuckled under her breath, biting on the end of her pen. Richie lowered his chin onto his desk. Everyday lately Richie regretted sitting in the front row of class, mourning how many perfect sleeping opportunities he could have snatched if he’d only been in the back. Not that he could really afford to be sleeping in class considering he was nearly half a year behind in his classes. He was lucky that they weren’t holding him back on principle alone. But that didn’t change the fact that Richie was able to get maybe 4 hours of inconsistent sleep on a good night. 

“Alright, kids, look.” Mr Turner was a chill teacher, one of Richie’s favourites. He was usually the one Richie went to when he needed help. “This is something I want to teach, and it’s not a conversation any of us want to have. I don’t wanna look out at your baby faces and tell you what an STD looks like.”

Richie cringed and Patty sniffled a laugh beside him. Mr Turner sat on the wooden desk and shook his head at the class. “I’m not sure what to tell you. We had a very fun staff meeting about this, and Mr Maturin gave us all a bunch of talking points but really- that’s not a conversation that’s going to make it through to you guys.”

“We’re supposed to be understanding and sympathetic, and I am. Really.” Mr Turner continued. “I was a teenager once upon a time, believe it or not. It wasn’t even that long ago. I know the appeals of sex. But you guys, you gotta be smart. Condoms, condoms, condoms.” 

Richie’s heart clenched in his chest, palms beginning to sweat. 

“We’re supposed to plug some abstinence agenda.” Mr Turner continued. “The whole you have sex before marriage and you’ll die speel, but I’m not going to do that. Clearly, a great deal of you are already having sex, so I think the best route to take would to talk to you guys about practisting safe sex- because clearly it didn’t sink in the first three times you had to sit through Sex Ed. You won’t die from having sex. But unprotected sex  _ will  _ lead to you getting sexually transmitted dieases- as quite a few members of the student body have unforunately learned recently- and could potentially end up pregnant or getting somebody pregnant.”

Richie swallowed but it felt as though his throat completely clenched up around it. He could hear the whispering around the classroom, and while he  _ knew  _ it wasn’t about him- nobody even knew about Riley- his anxiety was starting to prick at him. It was why he hadn’t told anybody about her. He was not ashamed of his daughter. He already knew that she was the best thing he would ever do with his life, but he always knew what this town was like. The judgement they’d pass on him and her, that she didn’t deserve. Richie knew it was fair, but he wasn’t ready to face that yet. He didn’t want her to face that either. She didn’t deserve to have anybody be able to experience them if they weren’t going to see her for the miracle that she was. 

“Yeah, you don’t want that.” Mr Turner laughed and Richie felt his own face paling as his lungs clenched. “You guys are all young, you got your whole lives ahead of you. Having a baby right now would just be throwing everything away. Kids and family are a gift, but you don’t need to rush into that. Wait until you’re ready. Nobody should be having babies in high school. You’re still babies yourselves.”

Richie pushed away from his desk, shoving it slightly as he jumped to his feet. His ears were ringing, only dimly aware of Mr Turner calling his name as Richie stumbled out of the classroom. He was half blind and very much hyperventilating as he stumbled into the bathroom, collapsing to the ground by the sinks and pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

The bathroom door opened behind him, and a pair of feet rushed over to where he was sitting on the filthy floor. He could almost  _ hear  _ Stan lecturing him. “Richie?” Patty Blum’s voice carried to him over the sound of the ringing of Richie’s own ears. “Are you okay?”

“You…” Richie heaved out hard breaths. “You aren’t supposed to be… in here.”

“Actually…” Patty sounded nervous and embarrassed. “You’re the one who’s not supposed to be here in, Richie.”

Richie looked around, noticing the amount of stalls and lack of urinals, and groaned. He pressed the heel of his hands against his eyes and let his head whack back into the cement wall.

“Hey! Richie, don’t do that!” Patty was suddenly crouched in front of him and pulling his hands away from his face. “What’s wrong? Do you- okay, no judgement seriously- are you sick?The school has set up emergency counselling and no questions asked testing, this is pretty curable with treatment and-“

“Oh god no.” Richie cringed and shook his head. “I don’t have gonorrhea, Jesus, Patty.“

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Patty turned to lean against the wall beside him. “You just sort of freaked out during that lecture and something is clearly going on. I didn’t mean to assume anything but-“

“I don’t have an STD, I have a baby.” Richie blurted out. His foot tapped frantically against the flooring. “Over the summer. And she’s - I just couldn’t sit in there and listen to somebody talking about how having a kid right now is the end of their life or the worst thing that you could do.” 

Patty’s arms came out and Richie collapsed against her like she was an old friend. “I’m sorry, Richie. You shouldn’t have had to listen to that. Mr Turner should know better.” 

Richie exhaled hard, not letting himself dwell on the fact that he was cuddled up with a girl he only kind of knew on the dirty floor of the girls bathroom. “I’ve haven’t actually told anybody about her. Eddie knows, Stan does too, but it was sort of an accident. They just… found out.”

“I’m the first person you’re telling about this?” Party asked softly, sounding almost awed. 

“Yeah, I just…” Richie cleared his throat. He shifted his weight slightly, so he was still leaning up against Patty but feeling like he’d re-gained just a little bit of his dignity. “It’s not because I'm ashamed of her, it’s not. I just… There're so many assholes in this town, and I don’t want them to know about her. To be… cruel about her. Even Mr Turner says shit like that, and he’s one of the good ones, you know? I’m ashamed of this town and I guess… I’m ashamed of myself, too.”

Patty was quiet for a moment, her hand rubbing up and down Richie’s arm slowly. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. It might have been an accident, but that doesn’t make it a mistake. People here are going to be assholes about anything that makes you different from them. You’re one of the good ones, too, Tozier. I’ve always known that.”

Richie let out a hard breath of laughter. “Okay, now I know you’re just lying to make me feel better.”

“I’m not!” Patty laughed back. “You and all your friends, you’re good. Maybe you’ve got a bit of a class clown mentality, but you stand up to the assholes and you take things seriously when they’re important. And clearly, you step up to the plate and take responsibility for your actions. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of yourself for. And your baby won’t be ashamed of you either, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

Richie blinked back tears and shook his head. He stood up from his spot beside Patty and brushed off his jeans from the nasty bathroom floor. “Thanks, Patty. You’re one of the good ones, too. But you probably know that.”

Patty stood up beside him and socked him gently in the shoulder. “I do! And if you ever need a babysitter, I have a pretty good reputation amongst parents and a reasonable fee.”

“Yeah, thanks, but I don’t trust anybody but myself or my parents with Riley right now.” Richie admitted, then paused with a bashful smile. “And Eddie.”

Patty grinned and grabbed Richie’s arm to pull him from the bathroom. “Okay, let’s get out of here before some girl comes in and thinks we’re doing something nasty. But we’re absolutely going to be talking about this whole Eddie Kaspbrak thing.”

“There is no Eddie Kaspbrak thing.” Richie said as they ducked into the hallway. It was still empty as classes continued as Richie dropped his voice down into a whisper. “He’s my best friend, and he didn’t really give me a chance to keep Riley a secret. He showed up from my house the day after my family got back to Derry. He’s been over pretty much everyday since, but I don’t think he really likes her all the much.”

“What do you mean?” Patty asked, as he and Richie ducked in the small hallway behind the weight room and dropped down onto the stairs. “You said you trust him with her, but you also don’t think he likes her?”

“Okay, that’s not really fair.” Richie allowed. “He’s really good with her now, they’re good buddies. He was just… super weird with her when they first met. I was worried there for a second that it was going to be a problem, like maybe he hated babies or he just hated her- but after a little bit of time, he really warmed up to her. It’s almost weird how willing he is to spend time with some baby.”

Patty was still smirking at him. “What makes you so sure that it’s the baby he’s  _ so willing  _ to spend time with?”

“I already said that there’s nothing between me and Eddie.” Richie said stubbornly, even as the tips of his ears and the back of his neck turned a prettier shade of pink. “We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, okay.” Patty laughed. “Even then- don’t you think it makes sense that he’d want to spend time with you- baby or no baby? You were gone for months right, your friends probably missed you.”

Eddie and Stan had made it pretty clear that they’d missed him, and the others had at least said something along those lines, but Richie’s stomach sank nonetheless. “Sometimes it feels like they’d rather I’d never come back at all.” Patty’s mouth opened, then quickly snapped shut and Richie felt embarrassment roll over him. “Oh wow, okay, Haha. I think that’s enough for one day, or I’m going to have to start charging you by the hour.”

Richie jumped to his feet and Patty looked up at him from the steps. “Do you see a therapist, Richie? Not to imply anything, I just-”

Richie chuckled. “No, you’re good, I just- Between trying to get my ass back on track to graduate next year, and dedicating all my non-school hours to my daughter, I don’t really have time to do much of anything at all. I’m dreading the first time I get a cold. But really, thanks for listening to my word vomit. Means a lot that you let me bug you like that and drag you out of the homeroom. Have you ever skipped before, Blum, or am I your first time?”

“Please.” Patty scoffed. “You don’t know me.”

“Not a good upsell on a baby-sitter!” Richie called over his shoulder as he hurried out to mix happily into the crowd of students moving from homeroom to first period. 

Richie had wanted to forget about that entire conversation with Patty. It was beyond embarrassing, spilling his guts to a girl he barely knew on the floor of the girls bathroom. He really barely knew her at all, and he’d just told her his deepest secret. Something he hadn’t even had the balls to tell his closest friends, he spilled to a borderline stranger. It wasn’t his fault, not really. He’d been in a very vulnerable emotional state, he couldn’t be held responsible for his actions. He didn’t think Patty was going to tell anybody, no matter the potential gossip points for something this juicy, so Richie would simply have to avoid her until he came forward with Riley’s existence or he died. Whichever came first. 

Patty seemed to have a different idea.

Richie hadn’t even opened his chocolate milk at lunch before Patty was dropping into the seat beside him that was usually occupied by Eddie. He felt Stanley go stiff on his other side, and the rest of the Losers stopped their eating motions.

“Hey.” Patty said, casual as though she’d sat with them everyday since middle school. She reached over and grabbed a french fry off Richie’s tray, and Beverly’s mouth dropped open slightly. “What’s up guys?”

“Uhm, we’re just talking about the party Greta is throwing on Friday night.” Ben answered, ever the polite bitch. Everybody else was still looking between Patty and Richie with slightly shell shocked looks while Richie could feel Stan’s burning glance on the side of his face. 

“We’re thinking of crashing.” Beverly said with a devilish smile. “After all the shit Greta put us through since middle school, the least we deserve is to help raid all the alcohol she’s stealing from her parents.”

The group dissolved into the moral implications of going to the party of somebody who hates you and has tried to ruin your life on multiple occasions with the single intention of completely destroying the place. Eddie and Mike came into the cafeteria then, with their parents packed lunches, laughing at something before Eddie’s eyes fell on Patty sitting in his seat and the smile dropped from his face immediately. 

Mike shot Richie an odd look as he took the empty seat next to Bill, then grabbed Eddie’s arm and tugged him into the last empty seat when Eddie simply stood and stared at Patty in his usual spot. He flopped into the seat loudly and kept his eyes stubbornly on his plastic bagged sandwich and Kool-Aid pouch. It took him a moment to clue into the conversation going on around him.

“Wait-  _ Greta’s  _ house? No.” Eddie said stubbornly, cheeks turning pink. “Are you forgetting the fact that her favourite pastime for the last ten years has been to make our lives as miserable as possible? Why would we go to a party in the Devil’s throne room?”

“That’s exactly the reason we have to do it!” Beverly cried, launching back into her great idea from the beginning. A smirk tugged at the corners of Richie’s lips, and he caught Patty’s smirk from the corner of his eye and grinned back. 

Eddie’s foot connected sharply with his ankle under the table and Richie yelped. “What the fuck, Eds?”

“Are you going along with this idiotic plan then?” Eddie almost hissed at Richie from across the table. Richie frowned at him, trying to not to look hurt enough that the others around the cafeteria table noticed. He thought for a moment that maybe he saw a flicker of guilt flash across Eddie’s face, but it disappeared too quickly for Richie to determine whether it was actually there or not. 

“Of course he’s not,” Bill said with a wave of his hand. Not bitter, not even seeming upset. It was almost like he was answering a question in class, just a simple fact. Richie would feel upset, he wasn’t relieved that Bill wasn’t pissed at him all the time anymore. Difference is better than anger, right? Upgrades.

“I fully support the pettiness.” Richie donned one of his voices that he didn’t have a name for. It was sort of like Richie’s own speaking voice, but an octave or two higher and ended every sentence like it was a question. As much as Eddie would complain about the British guy, and even more about the Irish Cop, he knew this one was Eddie’s actual least favourite of Richie’s Voices. The way he was glowering at Richie over the table confirmed that perfectly.

Richie didn’t take part in anything else that went on during lunch, and Stan was shooting up the table and taking off out of the cafeteria as soon as the bell rang. He left his bag hanging on the back of the chair in his haste, and Richie grabbed it and gave his friends a half hearted goodbye as he chased after him. 

Stan was standing in front of his locker, looking conflicted and flushed. He caught sight of Richie and looked for a moment like a deer in the headlights, ready to turn and run, before Richie held his out his backpack and Stan seemed to sink in on himself.

“Not like you to be forgetting stuff.” Richie attempted to keep his voice light, and gave his best friend a smile but Stan just stared him down and took the bag from Richie’s outstretched hand. He put it on and turned to walk away, but Richie reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Hey, hey, what’s up, man?” Richie frowned as his heart clenched in his chest. “You can talk to me.”

“Can I?” Stan snapped, jaw tight and eyes narrowed. Richie dropped his arm and took a step back, heart fully racing now. “Because I told you that I liked Patty and you- I don’t know if you’re dating her or just fucking her or  _ what-  _ but-”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. “What the  _ fuck?  _ You think I’d do that to you? You think I’d do that in general? I’m not going around sticking my dick in anything that looks at me, Stanley! I can have friends!”

“Well, you got a girl pregnant at fifteen so I’m sure if I don’t exactly trust your ability to control yourself, Richie.”

Silence. You could have heard a single staple drop in the hallway. Richie was sure his entire body was tense, and Stan squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “Richie-”

“It’s fine. I expected this much, right?” Richie said, forcing his voice to be light and carry on its casual humour. “I’m not dating Patty, or doing anything with her, though, okay? If you can trust me at all, trust that. I wouldn’t hook up with the girl you like, Stanley. And a relationship is the last thing I’m looking for, and I might not ever have another one and that’s fine. Patty just sat with us because she was there when I had a bit of breakdown this morning, and she was just being a good friend. That’s all.”

Regret seemed to drip off Stan’s face as the anger completely melted away. “I’m- Are you okay?”

“Yeah, man, you don’t need to worry about me.” Richie clasped Stan on the shoulder and moved to push past him but now Stan was catching Richie by the wrist and pulling him back. 

“Richie.” Stan said sternly, his dad voice coming back in full strength. “You can’t keep running off from school because you get upset. You’re far enough behind as it is, right? I’m sorry that I- that I assumed about you and Patty, I just saw you guys together and I just lost all sense of reason. I didn’t mean to _ slut shame  _ you or anything like that, I don’t- you can sleep with whoever you want and I.. Apologizing does not come easily to me-”

“Easy, Stan, don’t strain yourself!” Richie chuckled. “I’m not gonna run out of school because you went at me for a minute in the hallway. I am taking this seriously, you know. I’m sorry about the Patty stuff, but if you want- I’ll talk you up to you. If she has any sense at all or isn’t a lesbian, she’ll be interested. You’re a catch, Mr Uris.”

Stan wrinkled his nose and shoved lightly at Richie. “Can we please turn off the sincerity? It’s grossing me out.”

Richie just laughed. 

Eddie was pouting angrily on Bill’s bed while Bill was writing through journals long hand. He swore the book had been empty when they got there after school, but it almost halfway full now. 

Bill whipped around suddenly and glowered at Eddie. “Would you stop moping? You’re distracting me! Why did you insist on coming over?”

Eddie gaped at him. “I- I wanted to hang out! It’s been forever since we did something just the two of us, you know? And I’m not moping, I’m just kind of bored!”

“Eddie, come on.” Bill rolled his eyes. “I told you when you su-suh-suggested hanging out that I needed to get this short story done t-t-t-tonight so I can type it up t-t-t-tomorrow, I don’t know why you’re acting surprised now. And you absolutely  _ are  _ muh-muh-moping, because we both know you’d rather be over at Richie’s doing whatever it is you guys do everyday instead of here with but you aren’t because you mad that Patty sat with us at lunch today.”

Eddie flushed right up to the roots of his hair. “That’s- That’s not! I wanted to hang out!”

“I believe you.” Bill said with a soft smile. “B-B-But I also know you ch-ch-chose today because you’re muh-muh-mad at Richie. He did-did-didn’t do anything wr-wrong.”

“Rich coming from you.” Eddie snapped, trying to bury himself back in the book he’d grabbed off Bill’s bookshelf. It was some horror novel, and Eddie truthfully hadn’t absorbed a single word of it since he’d got there. That didn’t stop him from being annoyed when Bill snatched it from his hands and closed it. “HEY! What the fuck?”

“Richie is uh-uh-allowed to talk to girls. He’s allowed to hang out with them, and suh-suh-sit with them at lunch.” Bill said simply, putting the book back on his bookshelf. “And you ca-ca-can be upset, but you can-can’t be muh-mad at him for it.” 

Eddie let out an angry huff of breath and glowered at Bill. He didn’t want to admit he was angry at Richie for sitting with Patty at lunch- for Patty sitting in  _ his seat-  _ but maybe he was. Bill was pretty good at reading Eddie’s moods, as much he was loath to admit it sometimes. 

“I’m going to take your silence as acceptance.” Bill said. “And you ah-ah-actually are distracting me so, you don’t have to go to Richie’s- but you can’t stay here.”

Eddie grumbled under his breath, and grabbed his backpack off the floor and took off. Bill called over overly enthusiastic goodbye as Eddie ducked out of his room. Eddie flipped him off in response. He sighed as he walked outside, the weather was getting colder by the day. Fall had settled in quickly, and Eddie swore he could already feel hints of winter into the air. 

He kicked at some loose pebbles at the sidewalk as he took off back home. Bill might have had a point about Eddie’s anger being misplaced towards Richie over Patty, but it didn’t mean Eddie was going to go slinking back to Richie’s house and pretend nothing was happening. Eddie still felt angry, and besides that fact- he’d definitely gone out of his way to avoid Richie the entire afternoon and damn near hid after school while Richie waited for him to walk home together. So, even if Eddie wasn’t pissed at Richie- Richie was probably pissed at him now for being such a little flake. 

Eddie’s parents were gone on their usual Thursday afternoon grocery trip- one of the only things they still did together, Eddie thought bitterly- so doubled back around to his house and grabbed his skateboard from its secure hiding place under his bed. He knew that he was at a risk of getting caught by somebody who would have no qualms telling his ma what they’d seen him riding around on, but Eddie had been neglecting his board for the past month or so. He’d only ever really brought it out to ride to and from Richie’s house at night after his curfew. 

He didn’t want to think about that right now, though. Today he was going to push Richie Tozier- and whatever he may or may not have going on with Patty Blum- out of his mind. He’d spent way too much time this year thinking about and spending time with Richie Tozier. His mother didn’t mind mentioning it every time he saw her son, and he knew his father was thinking something along the same lines even if he didn’t say anything. Frank had always been more willing to let Eddie do this own thing and find his own path unless he saw Eddie straying down somewhere dangerous, or  _ really  _ fucking up. It was written on his face whenever he asked Eddie about Richie, about Riley-

Eddie’s heart panged. He swore he could see the baby growing before his eyes everyday. She was sleeping almost completely through the night now, and full of smiles. She’s shown the first hints at laughing, and though she hadn’t quite reached it yet Eddie and Richie would sometimes spend hours an afternoon trying to figure out what was going to bring it out for the first time. Eddie almost panicked for a second that maybe  _ today  _ would be the day that Richie was able to get Riley to laugh for the first time, that Eddie was going to miss it because he was stomping around angry over something stupid but Eddie had to remind himself that Riley wasn’t his baby, and it wasn’t his concern when she laughed and who saw it for the first time.

He felt a little less excited to board as he left his house and started off doing the street, but he let the familiar sensation take over. It had always been good for clearing his head, in the way the running did or working on cars with dad used to before Sonia had dubbed mechanics too dangerous for Eddie to take part in. She seemed to believe that anything besides sitting on the couch watching soap operas with her was too dangerous for Eddie to do. 

Eddie skidded out on his board and crashed into the kissing bridge. He hissed as he pressed his fingers against his forehead. The finger came away slightly bloody, not enough for any sort of  _ real concern _ ,  Eddie knew but also knew that any sort of injury would be enough to send his mother into a full blown tizzy. Groaning, Eddie pushed back to his feet and scooped his board up into his hands. Boarding had certainly done the trick in distracting Eddie’s brain though, he hadn’t noticed he’d gotten this far through town. Eddie always felt uncomfortable on this bridge. He knew it supposedly was a nice place, for  _ kissing and carving names,  _ but Eddie only could really remember that this was the place where Henry and his stupid goons had gone at Ben in eighth grade. He’d avoided it like the plague ever since, not one to give the bullies any easy opportunity to attack him. 

He scanned his eyes along the bridge. He’d never really taken the time to stop and look at it, and it truly was nearly completely covered by carvings. Some faded, possibly decades old, and others deep and fresh like they could have been done just the day before. Eddie ran his fingers along some of the carvings and felt a weird pang of longing flare up in his chest. He smiled despite it, running his fingers in some of the letters. It was sweet, actually, now that he stopped and looked at it. The carvings on the bridge were all things done out of love, which wasn’t something that could be said about much less in this godforsaken town. 

Eddie’s fingers bumped clumsily against a craving that brought him to sudden stop. He blinked at it as his stomach jumbled up in the worst case of scared butterflies he’d ever experienced in his 16 years of life. He traced the letters with shaking fingers. They were slightly faded, not nearly so as some of the ones that littered the wood. Maybe only a few years old, maybe-

Eddie shook his head and winced as the wind stung the cut on his forehead. He was getting ahead of himself, there was no way that- well, there was just  _ no way.  _

He turned and began the long walk to his house. 


	8. how fast the night changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WARNINGS FOR UNDERAGED DRINKING.

“You look like shit.” 

Three days. It had been three days since Eddie had spoken to him, and  _ this  _ was the beautiful message he was deciding to lead with. Not that Richie could argue with him. His hair was piled on top of his head, ponytails just re-added as the hair began to fall rather than the bun itself being fixed. He was wearing the same T-shirt he’d worn to bed the night before, with a pair of grey sweatpants grabbed from his bedroom floor. He was sure that the bags under his eyes were starting to resemble his broken nose from freshman year.

“Yeah, well, you look fuckable as always.” Richie snapped. Eddie just raised his eyebrows and stared at Richie until he sighed and looked around to make sure that the hallway was empty. “I’m fine, Eds, it’s just… Riley’s been keeping me up the last couple of nights.”

Eddie’s eyes instantly went wide and sad. “I thought she was sleeping through the night now?”

“She was.” Richie shrugged. “Until she wasn’t anymore, I guess. I swear my parents are one more night away from telling the two of us to find somewhere else to live.” 

“Don’t say that,” Eddie said as he leaned against the lockers. He gave Richie a sad look, and Richie’s chest tightened. “Your family is one of the best families that I know. Even if your sister is sort of an absolute brat sometimes, they love you and Riley. They’re not going to turn you out onto the streets because your baby is acting like a baby. They’ve done this before.”

“Exactly!” Richie moaned. “They’ve done this before twice, you know? They did their time and I’m- I’m just making them do it again, acting all fucking… I act like I’m a dad but really I’m just some stupid fucking kid who makes his parents rearrange their entire lives to take care of  _ my  _ kid that I get even get to go to fucking sleep.”

Richie’s hands shook at his side, and he was suddenly surrounded by Eddie’s arms. He didn’t let himself melt into the hug the way that he wanted to, because he didn’t think he could just forgive Eddie for giving him the cold shoulder for the last three days without any good reason. Richie never handled being ignored very well, and it hurt even worse when it came from Eddie.

“You need a break, Rich.” Eddie pulled back and patted Richie’s cheek. Richie jerked away and forced him to scowl at his friend, even though he could feel himself starting to blush. “You can’t keep this up, you’re just a person. You need time to yourself, too, sometimes. You never have a second to yourself.”

“I signed up for that when I told Sandy I wanted to keep Riley.” Richie said, feeling guilty at how tired he sounded. “I chose this, nobody made me be a dad. I wanted her, and this is the way my life is now because of it. I’m not complaining, Eds, alright? Sometimes it sucks, but it is what it is.”

“Every parent deserves a break sometimes, Richie.” Eddie’s hand was touching his hand. It wasn’t exactly _holding_ _it, _but the implication was there. Richie’s hand was starting to sweat and his gut was clenching with the urge to turn and run away. “That’s what baby-sitters are for right? Come to Greta’s party this weekend, don’t make me suffer alone.”

“You’ll hardly be alone,” Richie said with an eye roll. “Riley is too young for a baby-sitter, Eddie. I can’t just leave her alone, she’s basically a newborn.”

“You let me and Stan watch her.” 

Richie took the hand that wasn’t loosely in Eddie’s grasp and pointed it in Eddie’s face. “ _ Actually,  _ I let you watch her and you dragged Stanley over because you’re afraid to be alone with her and then you guys covered her with dirty laundry.” 

Eddie’s mouth opened, then he clamped it shut and frowned deeply. The kind of frown that took up his entire face, with furrowed brows. “You’re purposely taking all of that out of context.” He finally settled on with a shake of his head. 

“Baby-sitters cost money.” Richie pointed out, fully yanking his hand out of Eddie’s grip and using it to go into his locker. Eddie shuffled closer and Richie could feel Eddie giving him puppy eyes, but he refused to turn around and look at him. “I don’t have a job, or even an allowance anymore. How exactly do you propose that I pay a baby-sitter, just so I can go out to some party at the house of a girl we hate?”

Eddie blushed, and finally dropped his gaze down to his feet. Guilt clawed at Richie’s stomach, but it wasn’t like he was out of line. He wasn’t sure why Eddie was suddenly gun-ho on this party and Richie coming along. The year before, Eddie would nearly pitch fits everytime a party thrown by anybody other than the Losers was brought up and would promptly pout the entire time. Now, Richie thought Eddie’s pouting and hissy fits were pretty cute but the sudden change in M.O was confusing to say the least. 

“I just wanted us all to do something together again.” Eddie said quietly, and he was taking off down the hallway like a dog with his tail between his legs before Richie even had a chance to react. He mentally kicked himself. Eddie had been so good about coming over, and spending time with Riley, and even defending Richie to the other Losers that Richie had taken him for granted. Of  _ course,  _ Eddie wanted to hang around with Losers and have all his friends together again. Maybe Richie was the asshole for expecting anything less. 

He tried not to look too upset when he walked into first period, but he knew he failed by the look Beverly gave him. He decided that if his facade wasn’t working, then there wasn’t any point in pretending, and dropped directly into the seat beside her and flopped forward to rest his forehead on the desk. Beverly’s hand came out and played with the messy curls at the base of his neck.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

Richie thought maybe Beverly would understand. If he just told her. Her comments the last time he’d tried still played in his mind, proof that people believed exactly what he’d feared that they would, but he also knew that Beverly was probably the most open minded person he knew. Much more so than even Stan or Eddie, who had both been (mostly) unwaveringly supportive of him and Riley. There was still something holding him back ( _ fear,  _ a little voice inside of him sang) and every time he got close to telling any of his friends, he found that he just couldn’t. He wasn’t ready to dwell deep enough into his psyche to figure out why he could pour his guts out to Patty sitting on the bathroom floor, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell the people most important to him what was going on in his life.

“I think I’m the asshole.” Richie mumbled in response, face still flat on the desk. 

He felt Beverly shake slightly from his side, as though she was laughing but trying not to let Richie know it. “Awe, honey, it’s fine. We’re all assholes sometimes, and you’re going through a lot.”

“I think I really hurt Eddie feelings.” Richie flopped his face to the side so his cheek was resting against the cool desk but he was looking at his friend. She smiled reassuringly at him. 

“Because of the Patty thing?”

“The-” Richie jerked up off the desk and furrowed his brow. “ _ What  _ Patty thing? Because he thinks we’re going out and Stan was upset? Stan and I already talked it out.”

Beverly chuckled. “Something like that, I guess. It’s not a huge deal, Eddie will get over it. He’s actually a reasonable person deep down.”

“Okay, sure, whatever. Not sure why he’d be so upset on Stan’s behalf but okay.” Richie rolled his eyes. “That wasn’t what I was talking about. He asked me about going to Greta’s party tomorrow night. He seemed really, I don’t know, kind of sad when I said I couldn’t. And I just- you know?”

“Yeah. Sad Eddie bad.” Beverly agreed with a slow nod. “Well, Rich. I’m not sure what to tell you. He was bound to get upset about you refusing to hang out eventually. Even if he spends every afternoon with you, I’m not sure why you’re surprised that he wants us all to do something as a group again.”

_ Because Eddie knows why I can’t.  _ Richie thought longingly. “I don’t know. It was nice to have somebody who understood.”

“Maybe more people would understand if you actually told them what was going on.” Beverly patted Richie between the shoulder blades and began to turn back towards her own desk. “It’s hard to be supportive of something you don’t know.”

Richie groaned. He knew that this couldn’t be a forever secret, but he’d been continuously hoping that at some point he’d just  _ know  _ when he was ready. That one morning he’d open his eyes, and get the urge to invite all his friends over and introduce them to the most important thing in his life. He knew that he  _ should  _ want that. There wasn’t an inch of shame or embarrassment about Riley in his entire body, and all the logic in his brain told him that even if the Losers were surprised at first, they’d eventually all love Riley as much as Eddie did. It was impossible to meet Riley and  _ not  _ love her, Richie was pretty sure. And part of him really wanted that, for his friends to love his daughter like he did. For everybody to be able to spend time with her, and connect to her like Eddie, but something was still holding him back. Something he couldn’t understand, couldn’t explain. He wanted to be ready. He didn’t know what was holding him back.

* * *

Eddie was never a big fan of swallowing his pride. He wasn’t the type to apologize or even really admit his wrongs. Mostly because he was usually pretty damn sure he was right all the time, but he was really starting to believe that he’d been wrong about Richie and Patty. She was still hanging around, sitting with them sometimes for lunch, and he’d spot her and Richie talking in the halls. Eddie continued to avoid the entire situation, not sure why it made his stomach so upset to see them together- but he couldn’t stop himself from noticing them. And in his unavoidable watching, something about the whole thing felt off. Eddie had seen Richie having crushed before; Betty Ripsom from the entirety of second until sixth grade, and Eddie vividly remembered the horrific ordeal of Richie’s crush on Connor Bowers the summer after eighth grade. Fuck, even the way Richie had talked about Sandy when he’d come home from spending time with his aunt and uncle had been different and the Losers hadn’t even been convinced that Richie was telling the truth about her. Richie was treating Patty the same way he treated Beverly, and Eddie was positive that Richie was the only person other than himself who hadn’t been at least half in love with her at some point. 

So, Eddie brundingly admitted to himself that he’d been wrong. He wasn’t going to go as far as to confess this to anybody, but he noted it in the back of his head and acknowledged that it was going to haunt him for a while. He still made the point to take the seat beside Richie at lunch that day, despite their awkward half-argument that morning. The soft smile Richie gave him let Eddie know without any words that Richie wanted to put it behind them, too. 

“Should we be bringing eggs to this party tomorrow?” Beverly asked immediately after arriving, still halfway out of her seat. Eddie felt that Beverly was a little  _ too  _ excited about crashing this party, and it seemed like everyday she came up with a new idea of how to ruin everything. Eddie was a little worried that when the time came, Beverly was just going to suggest they run the car straight through the living room window. 

“I’m sure our presence at the party will be enough of a downer.” Ben said, picking the lettuce off of his sandwich as he always did whenever he brought lunch from home. “I don’t think we need to do anything more than showup.”

Beverly huffed and shoved a handle full of steaming fries into her mouth, glaring angrily around the table at her friend's lack of enthusiasm over completely trashing Greta’s house. “You’re all a bunch of little bitches. Where is your club spirit?”

Richie let out a little snort and tossed one of his already cold fries across the table so it hit in her nose. “Are you looking to get yourself arrested? Greta is definitely a cop caller. Hell, she might take one look at you and bunch into 911 on her speed dial.”

“Who has 911 on speed dial?” Stan challenged, cocking one brow. He was acting incredibly chill, but Eddie could see the heat burning up his cheeks at the close proximity of Patty to him now that Eddie had taken his seat back. “It’s 3 numbers.”

“Don’t judge people, Stanley, it’s not becoming.” Richie said, pretending to flick long hair over his shoulders. The group around them laughed, but Eddie found himself looking at Richie again. He really did look rough, Eddie hadn’t been lying that morning. It looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, and he was even skinnier than normal. He knew that Richie had blown him off that morning about going to the party and maybe a party wasn’t the best idea if Richie was so run down and tired, but Eddie just knew that his friend needed a break. Just one night so as not to have to worry about all the weight that was on his shoulders all the time. He looked like he was about to crack under all the pressure, and Eddie would do anything to keep that from happening. He would do anything for Richie, and sometimes those thoughts scared him.

Eddie pushed a little bit closer to Richie as multiple conversations broke up around them. He pressed a hand down on Richie’s thigh and felt the other boy jump slightly at the sudden touch. Eddie’s cheeks burned. “I was thinking about our conversation earlier.”

“Eddie, it’s fine.” Richie whispered back. “Please don’t worry about it. I meant it when I said I knew what I was getting into, okay? You’re just making it harder by asking stuff you know I’ll have to say no to.”

“What if you didn’t have to say no?” Eddie asked and Richie’s lips twitched downwards. “I know you can’t afford a babysitter and your parents won’t do it but what about my dad, he-”

Richie’s head jerked to look at Eddie, eyes blazing. “You told your dad!?!”

Too loud. The conversations around the table stopped and every pair of eyes turned to look at Eddie and Richie. Eddie pulled his hand away from Richie’s thigh and started fidgeting with his belt. Richie’s cheeks turned pink and he turned his gaze down towards the table. 

“Ev-every-everything alright?” Bill asked, shifting in his seat as though he was almost worried that he’d have to break up a physical fight between the two of them. 

“Yeah.” Eddie and Richie said in unison, but Richie said while grabbing his bag and standing up from the table. He looked around for a moment, clearly trying to think of some lie to tell about why he had to go, but seemed to decide against it and just turned and walked away.

“His disappearing act is starting to get really old.” Mike said, sounding more sad than angry. A mummer of agreement went through the group and Eddie’s eyes prickled with tears that he refused to let anybody see. He was so sick of trying to help and getting his face bit off. 

“Eddie?” Patty’s voice called over to Eddie. His gaze lifted his gaze and noticed all his friends looking at him, and his heart began to race. His palms were sweating and his leg was bouncing under the table. “Are you okay?”

Eddie choked for a moment and pushed away from the lunch table, nearly falling on his ass. “Fuck you.” He spat towards her. He had already turned and ran when he heard Stan shouting “HEY!” after him. It only took a split second for the guilt to come rushing over him and he stumbled through the doors to the cafeteria. 

He didn’t get very far before he was crashing face first into somebody’s chest and the distinct smell made him groan and sink against Richie. “What the fuck, Eddie? What’s going on with you right now?” Richie asked him, words angry but his voice soft and the way his hands came to rest on his waist. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I don’t know,” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s chest, too embarrassed to lift his head and look at Richie. It seemed like everytime they looked at each other today, they started fighting and Eddie didn’t have any more energy for fighting with Richie, it was exhausting. “I just want things to be like how they were.”

He felt Richie sigh more than he heard it. “I thought you were okay with her, Eds.”

Eddie wasn’t sure how to explain that Riley wasn’t the problem. “I am.” He promised, still buried against Richie. “It’s not… I don’t mean her.”

“Then what? What else is different?”

_ Me, maybe.  _ Eddie thought bitterly. Something had changed in him while Richie had been gone, and he’d been trying to fight it, ignore it, but maybe it was something that couldn’t be pushed away. And maybe his friendship with Richie couldn’t survive the way he’d changed in just a few months, and the thought of that left Eddie shaking where he stood. 

“Whoa, Eds, hey.” Richie's arms rubbed smoothly up and down Eddie’s back. “I literally cannot help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Now you know how it feels.” 

Eddie whipped around, stumbling slightly back into Richie’s chest. Mike was standing a few inches away, with half a smile on his concerned face. He stepped towards his two friends and titled his head to the side. “I don’t like to pry, I want to let people come to me when they’re ready. But you guys are walking around here like two unclipped grenades ready to take out anybody and everybody around you.”

Eddie and Richie looked at each other sheepishly. 

“I can’t make you guys tell me what’s going on, if you’re dating or-”

“WHAT?”

“Oh my god, no.”

The three were at stand still for a moment, all just looking at each other while Eddie’s cheeks burned and Richie kicked at the ground uncomfortably. “It’s not…” Eddie cleared his throat awkwardly. “It’s not like that, Mike.”

Mike nodded slowly, not looking exactly like he believed them. “Alright, fine. If you say so.”

Richie sighed and wrapped a hand around Eddie’s wrist and tugged on him to turn and meet Richie’s gaze. “I will… try to make it to the party tomorrow, okay? I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best.”

Eddie didn’t want to admit that his heart started skipping in his chest. He knew it was still a long shot, and that suggesting that his dad help was out of the question (and that he and Richie were going to have to talk about that soon enough) but the fact that Richie was willing to try was almost as good as Richie going at all.

Mike muttered something under his breath about  _ crazy white boys  _ but Eddie couldn’t be bothered to give it any sort of attention.

* * *

“Thank you so fucking much, honestly.” 

Richie stared at himself in the mirror, considering if he should bother trying to tame his curls. He’d washed them, even using the special curl shampoo that Stan had started demanding that he buy last year, and he supposed that was more effort than he’d put into his appearance most of this last year. He’d even pulled on his flannels out from the back of his clothes (a bright green one littered with tiny pot leaves) and paired them with overalls and Doc Martens. He could handle leaving his hair the way it had dried naturally, even if it was growing long enough to fall into his eyes now. 

Patty was sitting crossed legged on Richie’s bed, with Riley laid across the bed in front of her. Patty was absentmindedly shaking the rattle in front of Riley’s face, while the baby kicked her legs and stared at the toy with eyes so wide they took up most of her face. Richie smiled at them both.

“It’s not big.” Patty shrugged one shoulder and smiled at Richie. “Don’t get me wrong, you  _ absolutely  _ owe me huge but I wasn’t going to be going to the party either way and now I get to spend the night with a baby!”

Richie grinned. “Oh yeah, it’s all fun and games until you got her every night for the rest of your life.”

“You don’t mean that.” Patty looked back down at Riley and pulled a funny face. “You don’t have to act like some baby daddy douchebag around me. I see right through you, Tozier.”

Richie didn’t even get a chance to open his mouth before Patty was grabbing one of the pillows on the bed behind her and tossing it at Richie. Richie squawked as it collided with his face and knocked his glasses off his face. 

“Get out of here, Tozier, I’m serious.” Patty seemed to be pointing at him but Richie had to lean towards the ground and slam them back onto his face. “Stan is already waiting downstairs for you, and he doesn’t seem like the patient type.”

“Awe, that’s all a show.” Richie chuckled. “Stan the Man only wants people to  _ think  _ he’s a cold piece of shit.”

Patty hummed thoughtfully, turning her attention back to Riley but Richie was sure that he saw a blush rise up her cheeks. Richie filed that tidbit of information away in the back of his mind, for when he had a moment free of trying to make sure Eddie didn't get mad at him. After Richie makes an appearance at the party before taking off as early as possible whilst still making sure enough people saw him there that nobody would question it.

Stan was standing at the bottom of the stairs when Richie came down, and he gave Richie a disgusted look as he thundered down them. Richie grinned at him. “Well, looky here, my dream man has come to pick up for the big dance. Look how he stares at me in awe coming down the stairs as though he’s never seen me before.”

“You’re ugly, you’re disgusting, give me $200.” Stan told him with a scowl, but his eyes were amused. “How did you get Went and Maggie to agree to this? Letting you out of parenting to go to some trashy high school party?”

Richie grinned. “Went and Maggie have nothing to do with this, Stanny boy. I hired a babysitter like a real parent. All grown up, I am.”   
“I don’t think hiring a baby-sitter so you can go party is exactly prime parenting behaviour.” Stan rolled his eyes, practically shoving Richie out the front door. “Who did you ever get to watch the gremlin anyway? You don’t have any money.”

“I’m paying them in the experience of being able to spend time with my delightful child that you call a so-called gremlin. That’s offensive, Stanley.” Richie slipped into the passenger seat of Stan’s parents old station wagon and stuck his tongue out at his best friend. “Patty was more than willing to help with Riley tonight. Seems we all have real friends somewhere.”

Stan looked out the window of his car towards Richie’s bedroom, where the light streamed from behind his curtains. Richie was almost worried for a moment that Stan was going to ditch Richie in a car he couldn’t drive and take off back into Richie’s house. But Stan just started the car and pulled away from the curb. “Nice of her.”

“Yeah.” Richie said, trying to keep his voice light and knowing he failed. “She’s great.”

Stan pursed his lips and they drove the rest of the way to Greta’s house in silence. They’d barely even gotten in the front door without the classmates they never spoke to pressing cups into their hands or trying to direct them towards the kitchen where the booze was. Stan politely declined all drinks, using his Designated Driver title like a shield, and Richie accepted a single red solo cup of dark liquid and used it as his own shield. He knew that he had a secure ride home, he could drink as much as he wanted, but he couldn’t find it in himself to want to. It felt wrong to be drinking, while somebody else was watching his kid. 

“Richie!” Eddie was already feeling the alcohol, Richie was surprised to realize as his friend launched himself at him, arms wrapping around his shoulders. He smelled like peach schnapps, the only type of booze that Eddie had been able to tolerate when the Losers had started “testing” alcohol they jacked from their parents back in the beginning of sophomore year. He liked it best mixed with Five-Alive citrus but would settle for 7UP. “You made it!” 

“Anything for you, Eds.” Richie squeezed his friend back and felt a little breathless as he pulled away. Eddie’s eyes were glassy, pupils slightly blown, and licked his bottom lip as he glanced around Richie’s face. Then Eddie broke out into a face splitting grin and jumped onto his tiptoes to press a kiss that mostly just his face smashed against Richie’s cheek. Richie couldn’t help the startled noise that tumbled out of him, prompting Eddie to break into actual giggles.

“Well, this is going to be interesting.” Stan said from over Richie’s shoulders, gently coming forward to remove Eddie from his spot draped all over Richie’s body. “How many have you had, Eddie?”

“Seven.” Eddie deadpanned, until he caught sight of the identical looks of horror on Richie and Stan’s faces, and burst into laughter. “Jesus Christ, you should see- Fuck, I’ve only had two. Two and like maybe a half, I don’t know, I left my drink with Bev. She probably drank the rest.”

“That’s fine, Eds.” Richie said as he and Stan guided Eddie back to the couch where the Losers had set up their station. Ben and Bev seemed to be deep into a conversation with a black girl that Richie recognized from mock trial the year before, whom he was pretty sure was named Kay. Richie didn’t miss how Beverly and Kay’s legs were pressed together from thigh to ankle, but the new and improved Richie let his friends keep their secrets. God knows he had no right to fight them on it. 

“Richie Tozier!” Bill shouted from where he seated on the armrest of the couch beside Mike, despite there being plenty of room on the other side of Kay. He held his fist out and Richie moved forward to bump it. Richie took a small sip from his drink, only to realize whomever had given it to him had just filled the cup with straight whiskey. Richie coughed and gagged and dropped the cup onto the living coffee table that was already littered with cups and empty beer cans. As soon as the cup was placed on the table, Eddie was grabbing hold of both of Richie’s hands and dragging completely over to the couch. They flopped down onto the cushions together, completely tangled up in one another. Eddie was sitting more in Richie’s lap than he was on the couch, and Richie’s hands were resting awkwardly on Eddie’s thighs. His heart was right in his throat. He could feel Mike staring at him. 

“Okay.” Richie chuckled awkwardly, shifting Eddie off his lap and down onto the cushion beside him. Eddie squished right back up against Richie, head pressed to Richie’s shoulder and he pulled Stan down onto the couch on his other side. 

“I never knew you were a cuddly drunk, Eddie.” Stan commented, struggling to pull his hand free from Eddie’s grip but failing. 

Eddie beamed up at him. “I just love you guys. I’m so happy we’re all here.”

Guilt rushed through Richie once again. He’d started to come to the conclusion that this had been much harder on his friends than he’d ever given them credit for, too wrapped up inside his own head with his own problems to consider anybody else. But he was still underestimating how much it had been hurting Eddie, and Richie was pretty sure that hurting Eddie was the last thing he ever wanted to do. Like, in his entire life.

Richie slid an arm around Eddie’s back and squeezed his hip, looking around the room for a clock. He had committed to being here, and he was almost enjoying himself even with the twinge of anxiety in his chest that being away from Riley always gave him, but he couldn’t justify himself staying out for hours while Patty was babysitting his daughter for free. No matter how much she’d said it was fine, that she wanted to do help.

It was only about 10pm, but Eddie seemed like he was already starting to doze against Richie’s shoulder. Maybe he’d be able to use Eddie’s intoxication as an excuse to duck out of here earlier than he’d even be hopeful for. 

Eddie Corcoran came over then and handed another cup to a droopy eyed Eddie. “You’re crashing, man.” Ed said, practically forcing the drink onto Eddie. “Gotta get another drink into ya. Second boost.”

Eddie chugged the whole drink back in a singular sip, liquid that didn't fit in his mouth. Richie would tell himself later that his gaze didn’t follow it down. Eddie tossed the cup down onto the carpeted floor, and flopped back against Richie’s chest. His face was noticeably pale, eyes drooping shut. Richie kept a hand supporting on Eddie’s hip and watched him carefully. As much as Richie’s own stomach churned up with nerves, he cannot handle vomit in his presence. 

Thankfully, Eddie didn’t seem like he was going to throw up- but he did seem but he moments away from passing out completely in Richie’s lap. He was still holding onto Stan’s arm with a death grip, pulled into Eddie’s lap. The only sign of consciousness was Eddie rubbing his thumb along Stan’s forearm, and the hint of a smile on his lips. 

An arm dropped around the back of the couch behind Richie’s head, and Richie let his head flop backwards to look at Mike as his friend leaned into his space. “Hey, Rich, you feeling alright?” Mike asked kindly. “You seem pretty out of it, and I know you haven’t had anything to drink. Everything good?”

“Yeah, man, I’m just tired.” Richie answered with a forced smile. 

Eddie suddenly fidgeted in his lap. “Richie’s tired because of the baby.”

It was like a bucket of cold water getting dosed right over Richie, and his heart began to hammer violently in his chest. Mike’s brow furrowed, just enough alcohol in his system to leave him more confused than he normally would be, and before Richie could even think of some sort of explanation or excuse Eddie was being heaved out of his lap.

“Alright, I think we oughta get Eddie home.” Stan said, attempting to hold onto a struggling Eddie. Richie quickly jumped to his feet to help. “Somebody really doesn’t know his limit. He’s not making any sense.”

“We can take him back to mine. We can’t really drop him off to Sonia like this.” Richie suggested as Eddie flopped against him and sighed happily. He rubbed his face against Richie’s collar bones, and Richie choked on the air. “You uh- You can come back after, Stanny. We just fucking got here.”

Stan nodded, letting Richie handle the full weight of Eddie and taking off towards the front door. “Hey!” Bill nearly fell off as he leapt off the arm of the couch and bounced over Richie. He reached out to cup the side of Richie’s face and Richie leaned into him. “I’m g-g-glad you came. I m-m-missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, man.” Richie said, his throat started to feel a little tight. 

Eddie’s hand suddenly came up and smacked Bill’s hand away from Richie’s face. Eddie grumbled and dropped his arm to wrap around Richie’s neck as he hung off him. Bill and Richie both burst out laughing, until Richie excused himself to go and toss Eddie into the backseat of Stan’s waiting car. The ride was mostly silent, aside from Stan’s occasional thrown out threats to Eddie not to throw up in his car. They attempted to move Eddie into the Tozier house as quietly as possible, though Eddie broke into a fit of giggles halfway up the stairs while both Richie and Stan tried to keep him in standing position.

“Eddie, if you wake up Riley I’ll fucking kill you.” Richie threatened with his hand on the doorknob to his bedroom. Eddie mimicked zipping his lips and throwing away the key.

Patty looked up in surprise as they came into the room. She was curled up in the corner of Richie’s bed with a book in her lap, while Riley slept in her bassinet. “This is like, three hours earlier than I expected to see you guys.” Patty said quietly, frowning as Eddie immediately left Richie and Stan’s hold to crawl up on Richie’s bed. “Is he okay?”

“He doesn’t know his limit.” Richie and Stan said in unison. Patty nodded and closed her book, standing up off the bed and stretching. Richie cleared his throat. “And uh, I was going to just let you have my bed tonight and sleep down on basement couch but with Eddie, I don’t think I wanna risk his ass going down those steps and-”

“I can drive you home.” Stan jumped in quickly, cheeks turning a bright red. Patty and Richie both frowned at him. “I’m- I have my car, I’m heading out anyway. It’s really no trouble, you shouldn’t have to sleep on the Tozier’s nasty couch.”

“Rude.” Richie grumbled, moving to yank the comforter out from underneath a sleeping Eddie. He started yanking Eddie’s jeans off and glanced over his shoulder, where Patty and Stan were just… standing in the middle of his bedroom staring at each other. “Oh my god, just take her. I’m not going to strip Eddie in front of an audience. Go.”

Patty and Stan both blushed and ducked out of the room. Richie decided to leave Eddie in his t-shirt and underwear, then moved into the bathroom to change into his pajamas and brush his teeth. When he came back into his room, Eddie was standing up and looking down at Riley in her bassinet. “Jesus Christ,” Richie sighed even as he smiled. “If you were awake, why did you make me take your clothes off?”

Eddie stuck his tongue out as Richie came up behind him, glancing over Eddie’s shoulder towards sleeping Riley. Eddie grabbed Richie’s arms and wrapped them around his own waist. Richie could only hope that Eddie was too out of it to feel how Richie’s heart was racing against his chest.

“She’s already so big.” Eddie said slowly, head flopping back against Richie’s shoulder in a position that didn’t look like it could possibly be comfortable. “It’s so fucking… so fucking, weird man. She doesn’t… doesn’t do anything but I would die for her, I guess.”

Richie pressed his mouth against Eddie’s shoulder for a moment, the two of them looking down at the sleeping baby before Richie tightened his grip around Eddie’s waist and guided him back towards his bed. Eddie flopped gracefully down and curled up into a ball and Richie crawled up beside him. Eddie laid on his side, gazing around Richie’s face.

“I’m drunk.” Eddie said quietly.

Richie smiled at him. “I know, Eds.”

Eddie blinked slowly. “I could kiss you right now.” 

Richie was pretty sure he stopped breathing. Eddie’s hand came up slowly and touched almost absentmindedly at Richie’s cheeks and lips. Richie’s heart raced so sharply against his chest he was almost fearful he might die in this moment. Then Eddie smirked at him.

“But I won’t.”

Eddie rolled away from him, pulling Richie’s arms to spoon him gently. His breathing evened out quickly, and while Richie laid away in the dark for hours. 


End file.
